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Once upon a time When life was simple, youth seemed eternal And truth could be found in a dozen different bottles, I considered myself to be a wealthy man, Good-looking in a smooth, Nordic way, Suave, popular, oversexed and undercool, Straight A's, expensive clothes, a brand new car And all the other insubstantial niceties That took the place of love. Once upon a rookie year We paid our dues and made the grade, Practiced loading and firing -- the art of survival, Counted collars, tickets and holiday speeders, And played God at least ten times a day. Mistakes by the dozen; some small, some large … Like that night in the alley -- the boy with a gun -- When I froze like a statue … and you didn't. I saw part of you die with him that night; Your 'first' in the line of duty, And I remember you threw up all over my new shoes. Then you cried. And I cried with you. Once upon a partnership We cruised the streets in your garish car, Told ancient jokes, pulled crazy stunts, Talked shop and sex and girls and shared our future dreams; Played Batman and Robin with the low-life inhabitants, Turned the filth of the city into our own private domain, And in those sewers found garbage and hatred and bigotry … and Gillian … a once-in-a-lifetime lady. You tried to warn me, but I didn't (I couldn't!) listen. And when she went away, a part of me went with her. I remember I lost my head and hit you. Then I cried. And you cried with me. Once upon a nightmare I heard you fall and gasp in pain, blood spurting Crimson wetness on the callous, littered street, And I rode with you through our dark domain Talking on and on of things that didn't matter. (Knowing you couldn't hear me even if they did.) I prowled antiseptic hallways, Feeling broken and old and useless, Old memories flashing by like bits of crumbly celluloid, Blurred imagines, all -- coalescing into crystal … Your face on the stretcher, a strangled mask of death … Once upon a sleepless night I paced and worried and soundlessly screamed out my anguish Wishing … futility wishing … it were me in there, not you … Then feeling guilty and ashamed of myself For wishing this kind of pain on you … Waiting for someone … anyone … (Please God!) To tell me that you haven't gone and left me behind To stare at the pieces of my shattered soul That I won't have to say another premature goodbye, Ponder the waste, the grief, the empty years ahead, And that I won't have to go back to the way it was … Once upon a time. |
Once Upon a Time Theresa Karle |