The Trouble With Normal
by Salieri
troyswann@yahoo.ca
“The trouble with normal is it always gets worse”
(Bruce Cockburn)
CHAPTER ONE
Hutch
always looked first. Starsky wasn’t sure when this pattern got established.
Early on, probably, when they were still green to each other, and habits got
pressed into the still-soft ground and solidified and then got worn around the
edges with use so that he couldn’t really see them anymore, even when he
followed the contours every day. Eight times out of ten it was Hutch who
stopped the attendants, or the coroner’s pick-up guys with their stretchers on
the way to the ambulance (on the good days) or the wagon (on the bad days). It
was Hutch who crouched beside the vague shape on the asphalt or the grass and
lifted the edge of the sheet to look under. It wasn’t like Starsky deliberately
held back. He looked, too, as long and as hard as Hutch did when he had his
turn. But somehow Hutch wound up looking first, the way Hutch went high and
Starsky went low at a bust-in.
Starsky could tell from the way the angle of
Hutch’s head changed, from curious and assessing to something softer and worn
and resigned, that it was bad. There wasn’t enough room for the both of them in
the cramped space behind the boiler, so Hutch went first. Hutch had to shimmy
in against the wall and slide down gingerly so he could pull back the sheet,
twist his neck so he could get a good look at the face, and that’s when the
angles changed and Starsky winced and braced himself. Hutch put the sheet back
carefully and stayed there perfectly still for a minute at least with his hands
hanging between his knees, his gaze on the side of the boiler. It was hot in
there, but he stayed until Starsky said, “Hutch,” making him blink and snap his
head around like he didn’t know that Starsky was there, like always, three feet
away.
Starsky
waited until Hutch levered himself upright again, which wasn’t easy with
nothing to hold onto except a boiler and a body, and edged out into the more
open space of the boiler room.
“Bad?”
Hutch
nodded and rubbed his eyes, swiped the sweat off his face. “A kid. A
girl. Maybe seventeen.” He looked over Starsky’s shoulder at nothing,
maybe the pipes snaking along the ceiling of the basement or the doorway with
the stairs going up into the kitchen where volunteers were already clanging
pots and pans because people had to eat, no matter what was curled up in the
boiler room. “Damn,” he said softly and ran his hand over his face again.
Leaving
him there to watch the attendants maneuver the stretcher down the narrow
stairwell, Starsky went to take his own look. Seventeen seemed about right.
Blonde hair once in a ponytail but now snarled and tangled around the elastic.
Plump face too white and doll-like, a little bow mouth and long lashes casting
shadows around eyes that were once green, maybe, or gray, before they’d glazed
over. Her hands were folded under her chin like she was praying. Her wrists
were tied with a wide blue ribbon, a perfect bow over the knots. Starsky folded
back the sheet a little more to expose a high school jacket with JHS
embroidered on the breast, blue jeans zipped up and buttoned. No blouse or
T-shirt under the jacket that he could see. Her feet were bare.
When
Starsky shuffled out to make way for the coroner’s guys, Hutch was still
standing in the same place. He’d stopped staring and was making notes, head
bowed low over his notebook as he scribbled with a stub of pencil, laying
barbed wire between his reason and his imagination, the letters all sharp on
the tops of the loops, facts snared. His fingertips were white, he was pressing
down so hard.
“JHS,
that’s Jackson High School, right?” he asked without looking up.
“We’re
a long way from Bel Plaine.”
“Yeah.”
Behind
them the attendants were pulling the body out of the narrow space.
“She’s
a long way from home,” Hutch said, snapping his notebook shut and stuffing it
in the pocket of his shirt.
“And
on the wrong side of the tracks.”
Nodding
again, Hutch watched the attendants, his face showing nothing. One of them took
a long stride over the body and leaned down to get his hands under the girl’s
shoulders while the other lifted her under the knees. Her fogged eyes stared at
them. Hutch’s hands opened and then closed tight at his sides before he stuffed
them in his pockets. Starsky knew the feeling exactly. It seemed wrong, closing
her up in the black bag with her eyes still open like that. Soon enough,
though, she’d be hidden away, at least until the coroner sent up his file. Then
there’d be more details than anybody wanted. And fewer than they needed.
Connect-the-dots with half the numbers missing. As they followed the stretcher
in its slow progress up the stairs and into the kitchen, Starsky wondered if
she’d been placed behind the boiler with her hands folded that way on purpose,
and what it meant, and how many beers it would take to make the picture fade
enough so he could sleep.
In
the kitchen, a heavyset grandma-type with a long braid of graying hair was
kneading dough at the counter. Another almost identical woman—her braid was
wound up in a bun on her head instead of hanging down her back—was stirring an
enormous pot on the stove, and a third was chopping carrots so fast her knife
was a blur. They all stopped at the same time and turned to watch the passing
stretcher with carbon copy expressions of curiosity and compassion on their
worn-out faces. Then the first one sucked her teeth and shook her head,
exchanging with her sisters a look of sadness and resignation before going back
to work. The mission dining room was visible through the serving counter
window. It was already half full of hungry men, and the bread wasn’t even in
the oven yet.
Starsky
thumbed the elevator button again and leaned back to look at the numbers over
the door. None of them were lit up. With a sigh, Hutch turned and headed for
the stairs, elbowed the door open and waved Starsky ahead of him.
“Not
exactly the Bel Plaine they show in the brochures,” Starsky said. He kept his
pace even. The twelfth floor was a long way away.
“I
suppose the gardeners and the cooks and the school teachers gotta live
somewhere,” Hutch answered as he trudged along behind him.
The
spit-and-polish world of trimmed hedges in the shape of chess pieces and
winding driveways with monogrammed gates, that was front side, boulevard side.
This was the backside of the good neighborhood, the part you usually saw from
the train. The low rent annex: gray apartment buildings and bungalows squatting
in narrow lots, brown lawns and laundry on the line. Starsky had relaxed into
the familiarity of it the minute they pulled into the cracked and faded lot and
parked next to a VW microbus painted in rust primer.
But
as they climbed higher the tension came back, his hands and his spine
responding to a different kind of familiarity. He wondered how many times he’d
made this walk already. Hutch was quiet back there, his feet falling in time
with Starsky’s, beat for beat.
They
didn’t have to say the words. Anita Spender’s mother knew the second they
pulled out their badges and said Anita’s name. Still they were obliged to say
it, and Hutch did it, leaving out the details. Beverley Spender stood in the
doorway with a dishtowel in her hands, listening, and slowly, behind the
expression of slightly baffled politeness, the life drained out of her face. It
was like watching somebody do a fade into a dark room. Going, going, gone. And
that was what Hutch called “the blank,” and Starsky thought of as the train
wreck. It was the moment when someone’s brain derailed, came up against
something they couldn’t think past or through and everything crumpled against
it, turned to twisted shapes, and when the brain disengaged, the face didn’t
know what to do. The blank. He could see it in his own head when it happened to
Beverley Spender: the wreck and the tracks still gleaming and leading straight
on into the truth of it.
Usually
people’s bodies reacted before their minds did. Starsky had seen some weird
things over the years. Sometimes you told a parent that their girl or little
boy was dead and they’d laugh. They’d laugh right in your face and that was the
train wreck, the sound of collision. He’d seen a father fold double like he’d
been kicked in the chest. Lots of times people stepped backward, held their
hands out like the truth was coming at them teeth and claws out of the fog.
Starsky almost expected to see defensive wounds on their forearms. He’d told
Hutch that one time, and Hutch’d nodded and said, “Stigmata.” Starsky had
looked that up and felt the word stabbing through his hands for days after.
More than once, a mother or a father had
punched him in the face. The first time he’d deflected the blow by reflex.
After, he’d learned to stand still.
Beverley
Spender blinked finally and said, “Would you like coffee?” She turned like
somebody was pulling strings and walked stiffly through the living room without
looking to see if they were following.
The
apartment was tidy, thrift-shop furniture chosen to match more-or-less, a
knitted blanket folded over the fraying upholstery of a chair. Otherwise the
place was cozy and plain except for the flowers on the end table and lots of
photos on the wall over the sofa. Hutch examined them while Starsky watched
Mrs. Spender moving around the kitchen like a blind person in unfamiliar territory.
“She
was a pretty girl,” Hutch said. He pointed at a picture of Anita poised on a
diving board ready to tip off into a swan dive or some kind of crazy
somersault. She didn’t look scared at all. Next to that one was another of her
holding flowers and a medal. The smile was wide enough to crack the frame.
“Bad
luck for her,” Starsky answered.
When
Hutch repeated that, his voice dropped off to a whisper like water falling over
a cliff.
She
couldn’t have heard them, but it seemed like cause and effect when Mrs. Spender
lurched back into real time again. The empty coffee mugs slipped from her hands
and smashed on the floor. She was heading after them, falling in slow motion,
but Hutch was fast—long legs were an asset—and caught her before she could
slice her legs or hands up on the broken pieces. He held her while Starsky got
a chair behind her knees and together they eased her down. Hutch murmured, “I
know, I know,” in that voice he’d use when someone was bleeding and the
ambulance was still a long way off, and like a bleeding person, she groped in
the air for some kind of purchase. People would hang on to the world when they
felt themselves sliding away from it on the inside. Starsky had been surprised
more than once to find hand-shaped bruises on his arms from time to time,
because he never felt it when it was happening. Now, in Beverley Spender’s
sunny kitchen, Hutch let her twist his collar in her fist and pull him down
into a crouch in front of her so that she could search his face. Her dark eyes
were dry. She wasn’t all the way back yet. Sometimes the tears could take days.
Her
mouth moved around the questions, trying to find the one that meant the most.
But they all meant the most, so no sound came out at all.
“We
don’t know who did it yet,” Hutch said, keeping his eyes on hers, unflinching.
She nodded. “We don’t know anything yet. But we will.” She nodded again, maybe
a mechanical response to his voice, maybe a gesture of faith. “We need to ask
some questions.” Another nod. “About who saw her last. Who she was hanging out
with. Where she went.” He unwound her fingers from his shirt and backed himself
up so he could swing another chair around and sit down to face her. “Do you
think you can help us?” Hutch waited for another nod and then met Starsky’s
eyes over her shoulder. “I got her for now.”
As
he looked around the living room for a phone, Starsky listened with one ear to
the soft insistence of Hutch’s voice, the hesitant sound of Mrs. Spender coming
back to the world one sentence at a time. The phone was on a table in the
hallway, and while he waited to be connected to the duty officer, he leaned
around to check out the rooms on either side of the hall. One was obviously
mom’s room, laundry piled neatly on the bed waiting to be put away. The other
was Anita’s. It was plain like the rest of the apartment, but it was a teenaged
girl’s room, no doubt about it. The unicorn poster alone cinched it, even
without the bed overflowing with stuffed animals and the open closet and
dresser drawers spilling socks and the floor decorated with rejected outfits.
He’d
finished requesting someone to come collect Mrs. Spender to take her to the
morgue and was reciting the address of the apartment complex when something in
the jumble caught his eye. On the back of the closet door was a dress. Lots of
frills around the shoulders, lacy bits. Fancy. After dropping the phone back in
the cradle, he walked in and fingered the material. The dress was still in the
process of being made. Pins held it together in places. Around the waist was a
wide sash of blue ribbon.
“It’s
her prom dress. We’re making it together,” Mrs. Spender said. She was in the
doorway, clutching her sweater close to her throat.
“It’s
very pretty.”
She
smiled and the glitter in her eyes was just the far side of normal, too edgy,
like a reflection in a cracked mirror. “She doesn’t like it much, but she
wouldn’t say so.”
Hutch
appeared behind her and Starsky held the end of the ribbon up so he could see.
“Do
you have any more of this ribbon?” Hutch asked her, and then stepped back so
she could go around him to the living room. When she was gone, Hutch came
closer and ran a finger over the cloth in Starsky’s hand. “Well,” he said. “So
maybe he knew her.”
“Maybe.”
Before
Starsky could go on, Mrs. Spender was back, empty-handed. “I’m sorry. I had a
whole yard of it left but it’s not there now.”
Hutch
darted a glance Starsky’s way. “Would she have had any of this ribbon with
her?”
Mrs.
Spender frowned and then shook her head. “I don’t see why. She didn’t like it.”
A hand waved vaguely toward the living room. “The extra was in my sewing basket
the other day.”
“Which
day?” Starsky asked. “Can you remember?”
Another
frown. “Sunday?” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Why?”
Hutch
stepped in. “We’re not sure just yet.”
Mrs.
Spender looked at him for a few seconds too long, enough for him to shift his
weight uncomfortably, and then turned her glassy gaze to the dress. Her hand
fluttered across the front of it, straightening the ruffles Starsky had
disturbed, but her expression was puzzled and dark, like horrified was just a
little way down the tracks. Starsky could see it coming as her mouth hardened
with the realization that they’d turned the prom dress into evidence, and the
room suddenly felt wrong, crowded with him and Hutch in there. Starsky backed
into the hallway as she took a pair of small scissors out of her apron pocket
and began to snip the stitching with sharp, efficient strokes.
“Take it.” She tore
the last few stitches free with a yank and held the ribbon out to Hutch. “Anita
doesn’t—Anita didn’t want it, anyway. She thinks it made her look like a little
girl.”
It took twenty minutes for the uniforms to
show up. In the meantime, Hutch poured coffee and kept asking questions in that
low voice, taking notes without looking too much like he was taking notes. Mrs.
Spender almost seemed normal when she answered him, except for the hitches in
her sentences where the verbs were all wrong, where she worked on putting her
kid in the past tense. No, Anita hadn’t said anything about anyone bothering
her or following her. No, she didn’t have a boyfriend. She’d never had a
boyfriend. She was going to go to the prom with her girlfriends. Yes, she took
the bus into the city to volunteer at the hospital. Yes, the one near the All
Saints Mission. Yes, sometimes she got a ride home from friends at the
hospital. No, she never stayed out late. Never. Swim practice was at six in the
morning.
Mrs.
Spender turned the coffee cup in her hands. Around and around.
Starsky
asked, and then took the photo of Anita and her medal off the wall and slipped
it out of the frame. By then the uniforms were there.
When
he and Hutch were on their way out, Mrs. Spender caught Hutch by the sleeve.
She looked up at him from her seat at the table, and still there were no tears.
She said, “What do I do now?”
The
uniforms who canvassed the street and the mission and the hospital had been
thorough. That translated into a stack of paper about two feet high. With a
sigh, Starsky rested his temple on his fist and slid another report off the
pile. He and Hutch had already been through everything flagged as promising.
Now they were working through the rest of it, since promising wasn’t all that
promising. Out there in the city where traffic was backing up and bars were
filling with happy hour customers, cops were still tracking down friends and
teachers, orderlies, supervisors, bus drivers, and winos. So far it all added
up to nothing, nothing, and nothing with a side order of not much at all. Anita
Spender was well-liked, studied hard, worked out with the swim team three
mornings a week, volunteered at the hospital Mondays and Saturdays, never
missed a class, never got detention, never had a bad word to say to anyone,
never had a brush with the law until the day she turned up under a sheet in the
basement of the mission and Hutch sitting over her with the thousand-yard
stare.
“So,”
Hutch said, throwing another file into the growing stack at his elbow and
leaning way back in his chair to stretch his back and rub his eyes. “What are
you thinking?”
“I’m
thinking that cases like these make me miss the crime lords and the hypes.” At
Hutch’s grunt, Starsky looked up at him. “They make sense.”
“This
guy makes sense. We just don’t know what kind yet.”
“Crazy
kind.”
“See?
Progress.” Hutch quit the eye-rubbing to take another folder from the clerk,
dropped it in front of himself and flipped it open.
“What
kind of crazy is the question.” Starsky really hated having to think his way
down that list. It gave him the creeps in his spine. Not to mention the fact
that the list had about fifty different categories, not counting creative
variations, and that wasn’t exactly normal stuff for a normal guy to have to
carry around in his head. He wondered, not for the first time, whether it could
eat through the strong box he kept it in.
Absorbed
in reading the file, Hutch didn’t answer. Scanning quickly, he thumbed his way
forward until he came to the glossy photos and his fingers stumbled to a stop.
His jaw tightened and the muscles in Starsky’s back automatically twisted a
little tighter.
“What?”
Starsky leaned closer but couldn’t make out what Hutch was staring at. “What is
it?”
“Coroner’s
report.” Hutch met his eyes and then tossed the file across his desk onto
Starsky’s where some of the sheets fanned out and the photos spilled over the
side onto the floor. “She died of alcohol poisoning. Red wine and vodka to be
exact.”
Starsky
stopped in the middle of gathering up the photos to say, “What?” and then sat up
with the messy pile on his lap. He straightened them without looking at them
and frowned at Hutch instead. “You’re kiddin’.”
“Yes,
I am. You can tell by the big smile on my face.”
“That’s—”
“Weird?
Sick? Fucked?”
“—usually
something you do to yourself.”
Hutch
jabbed a finger at the papers and photos in Starsky’s hands. “Do you think she
did that to herself? Tied her wrists with wire? Yeah, the ribbon was just—” He
grimaced. “—decoration. You think she did that—” Another jab of the
finger. “—to herself?”
Starsky
looked down at the top photo in his pile. It was a shot of Anita Spender’s
back. She was covered with writing, tiny black block letters following the
contours of her shoulder blades, her spine, along the hollow between each rib,
the same thing over and over.
“Drink
somebody to death. That’s cold-blooded,” Hutch went on, the words clipped, his
voice hitting hard on the beats. “He’d have to plan it. It would have to be
managed. So she wouldn’t pass out too soon. So she wouldn’t puke it all up.”
Starsky
nodded as he angled the picture to cut down on the glare from the fluorescent
lights. He couldn’t make out what the writing said.
“It
says,” Hutch answered his unspoken question, his voice a growl. “Suffer the
little children.”
The
first shot went wide. The second went high. Starsky frowned and looked around
for something to help adjust the trajectory. With a little “aha,” he took the
cardboard coaster out from under Hutch’s beer glass and folded it in half.
Hutch
didn’t notice. “The wine has to mean something,” he was saying.
Starsky
decided that the folded coaster wouldn’t work. Too tall. “Uh-huh,” he answered
as he considered his options. “I can think of a few times in my life I wanted
to drown in wine.”
“In
Richard the Third a guy was drowned in a vat of wine.”
“Actually
it was a butt of malmsey,” Starsky said.
Hutch
stopped with his glass halfway to his mouth and raised an eyebrow at him.
“What?
Like I never read a book?” Tipping his chair back on two legs, Starsky
stretched out to hook the ashtray on the next table so he could steal the box
of matches from it. “’Course, I like the sequel better. Richard the Fourth.”
Hutch’s
snort of laughter made Starsky grin. “Better car chases, huh?” Hutch said.
“My
point exactly. Sure sign of great literature.” By the time Starsky had the
spoon balanced on the matchbox Hutch was gone again, staring morosely into his
beer, his thumb stroking his lip. Starsky leaned low to eyeball the angle and
fumbled in the bowl for another peanut. “Maybe it’s religious. Wine and blood.
Something about the Eucharist,” he suggested. “But that’s not exactly my bag,
so I dunno.” He dropped the peanut into the bowl of the spoon and smacked his
hand down on the handle. The peanut bounced off of Hutch’s forehead and into
his beer. Starsky danced the funky chicken in his chair. “Two points.”
Hutch
blinked and leaned over to look at the peanut at the bottom of his glass.
“Starsky,” he said mildly. “You know you’re a putz. Don’t you.”
“And
your brooding is leading to the untimely demise of a lot of good peanuts.”
Starsky put another peanut in the spoon and snapped it into the air. He’d
underestimated his own strength though, and the shot was wild, arcing up over
Hutch’s shoulder and landing with a plink in the middle of a woman’s
dinner plate on the table behind him. When she turned to glare at him, Starsky
waggled his fingers at her and smiled his most winning smile. It worked. She
winked at him and ran her tongue along her lip before turning back to the
geezer across from her.
“Besides,” he said to
Hutch, “you love me for it.”
The
next shot was a thing of beauty. Hutch tipped his head back and caught the
peanut in his mouth. He chewed, looking thoughtful. Finally he said, “I love
you for your ass. The putz I put up with.”
“You
are so beautiful when you talk dirty. Say ‘ass’ again.”
“Putz.”
“Close
enough.”
Hutch
nodded like he wasn’t listening anymore and stared over Starsky’s head at the
wall. After a minute, he leaned forward and closed his eyes, stiff fingers
tapping his forehead.
“What?”
Starsky asked.
“Something.
Back east somewhere.” Hutch snapped his fingers and pointed at Starsky like
he’d just held up a flashcard to jog Hutch’s memory. “Boston.”
“Baked
beans.”
“Yeah,
that. And a case, a kid with his hands bound up with wire.”
Starsky
drained his beer and put it back in its circle of condensation on the table.
“Lots of people get tied up with wire.”
“In
the boiler room of a hospital. A clinic.”
That
shook the dust off of something in Starsky’s rafters. He narrowed his eyes and
tried to see it. “Yeah. And they found the mother a couple days later in her
hotel room.” Hutch was nodding encouragingly, but there was nothing else under
the dust. Starsky frowned at him. “Why do I remember that?”
“Because
the dude was from here,” Huggy answered, having materialized out of the crowd
with a tray balanced on his shoulder. “So, what are you two gents up to
tonight?” He appraised Starsky’s artillery, picking a peanut out of the spoon
with his free hand and holding it up to the light. “Besides training acts for
the flea circus.” He put the peanut back in the spoon. “Also, peanuts don’t
cost peanuts, you know.”
Hutch
leaned out of the way to let Huggy put his plate down in front of him. “The
dude was from here?”
“Yeah,
the father was some big-shot lawyer downtown. He sent the kid back east for an
experimental treatment for leukemia or something.”
Starsky
had to dismantle his catapult to make room for his hamburger and fries. He
pocketed the spoon and the matchbook and ate the ammo. “Right. I remember now.
He offed himself—the dad did—after.”
“Quite
the spectacular mess, too.” Huggy tucked the tray under his arm. “My cousin was
on the cleaning crew. Guy shot his brains all over the living room.”
“Isn’t
that a nice bedtime story,” Hutch said sourly.
“And
the moral is: don’t matter how big the stack of cash you got, sometimes it just
is not enough to hold you up when you’re alone.” Huggy made a little formal bow
and added, “Bon appetite, meez amigos,” before sidling off to lend a hand at
the bar.
Hutch
was spinning his fork on end beside his plate. He shook his head. “Anita wasn’t
rich.”
“And
she wasn’t sick,” Starsky said around a mouthful of burger. “And there was no
body art in the Boston case.”
“And
her dad died eight years ago.”
Starsky
hunkered down under Hutch’s frustration like it was a cold wind over the water.
He shrugged. “Still, the hospital angle’s worth checking.”
“Yeah.”
He
was chewing contentedly on his third bite of hamburger before he noticed that
Hutch hadn’t touched his food and in fact was staring at it accusingly. “Whatsa
matter?”
“I
ordered a salad.”
“There’s
salad.” Starsky lifted the top bun off of Hutch’s hamburger and pointed at the
translucent lettuce leaf and the mostly orange tomato slice. He put the bun
back and nudged the plate closer to Hutch. “Besides, you can’t fight crime on a
stomach full of salad.”
“Yeah,”
Hutch said flatly, so it sounded equally like agreement and sarcasm, pushed his
chair back and got up. He hooked his jacket off the back of the chair with his
thumb and swung it over his shoulder. “I’m going.”
“What?
Because of salad?”
“Later.”
“You
don’t even wanna doggie bag?” Starsky shouted after him, but Hutch didn’t turn
to answer as he threaded his way between the tables. “More for me!” Starsky
announced to Hutch’s empty chair as he commandeered his fries.
As
it turned out, stolen fries were tastier than abandoned fries, and he only ate
a couple before giving in and dropping his half-eaten burger on his plate. He
stopped by the bar to steal a dime out of the tip jar and dialed the station on
the pay phone. While he waited to be connected, he caught Huggy’s eye and mimed
drinking another beer and was already sipping a real one by the time the clerk
in R&I finally came on the line. “Hey, Charlie,” Starsky said. “I need you
to pull everything you can find on a couple of cases from Boston.”
CHAPTER TWO
The
smell of coffee at 2 a.m. should have been wrong. The fact that it wasn’t wrong
was wrong.
Starsky
stood in Hutch’s kitchen and listened to the chugging gurgle of the percolator.
The place was so quiet that the dribble of coffee into the pot sounded loud
enough to wake the neighbors, and in the dark the apartment felt bigger than it
really was, like it stretched on endlessly behind Starsky’s back. It might as
well be the woods behind him, moonlight slatted through the trees, familiar
things tangled in shadows.
Wriggling
his shoulders inside his leather jacket to get rid of the creepy feeling, he
muttered, “Cut it out, Starsky,” yanked open the refrigerator, and stood in the
rectangle of light. There wasn’t much in there that looked edible. Some of that
wobbly white stuff in a waxed carton and some onions tied together with a
rubber band around the stems, three beers—one of them open with a cork stuck in
the neck and wasn’t that just a crime—and a bottle of ketchup standing on its
head in the door rack. He wasn’t actually trying to figure out what kind of
meal that might make, but he didn’t close the fridge door, either.
He
could turn on a lamp or something. It wasn’t like Hutch was there to protest,
waking up indignant, sheet-rumpled and squinting and swearing. But for some
reason Starsky hadn’t turned on the lights when he’d let himself in, and he
hadn’t even really thought about it until he was almost through making the
coffee, dumping the last spoonful of grounds into the little basket. That’s
when it occurred to him that he was moving around in Hutch’s kitchen by feel,
everything he needed under his hand when he reached for it. Hutch’s place was
worn into Starsky’s muscle-memory.
He
closed the fridge, leaned on the door, arms folded, and waited.
Ten
minutes later he was done waiting and instead was standing by the coffee table
dialing the precinct with the phone balanced on his hip and the receiver in the
crook of his shoulder. He put the phone down when he heard the gentle slapping
of Hutch’s hand on the top of the doorjamb, feeling for the key that Starsky
had tossed onto the counter beside the coffee tin.
“It’s
me,” Starsky said as the door opened a hesitant crack. “Don’t shoot.”
The
door swung open the rest of the way and Hutch came in, peeling off his jacket
and tossing it toward the sofa. He went past Starsky directly to the fridge.
“I
let it ring about thirty times,” Starsky told him as he picked the jacket off
the floor and followed him.
“I
was out.”
“Yeah,
I got that from the part where you weren’t here.”
“Smart.
You’ll make detective someday.” Hutch straightened and closed the fridge with
his hip, pulled the cork out of the beer bottle with his teeth and spat it in
the sink.
“Where’d
ya go?” Starsky handed Hutch his jacket.
Shifting
the beer from one hand to the other and back again, Hutch put the jacket on.
“Walked.”
“Right.
And?” Starsky took a cup out of the dish drainer and filled it with coffee.
“I
was thinking about her hands.” In the moonlight, Hutch’s eyes were black ringed
with a narrow band of white-blue. His face was washed pale, like he’d been
drifting a long time in cold water.
Impulsively
Starsky put a hand on his neck, just long enough to feel a pulse, a reassuring
throb under his fingers. The leather collar of Hutch’s jacket was still warm.
He should have turned on the lights. “Her hands. Folded up,” Starsky said,
giving him a squeeze and letting him go. “Praying.” He took the beer out of
Hutch’s hand and replaced it with the coffee cup.
Hutch
lifted the cup to his mouth and then lowered it again untouched. “Praying.” He
stared into the cup, at the wobble of light on the dark surface. “Nobody
answered.”
“We
answered.”
“Too
late.” Hutch scowled at the coffee, finally realizing it wasn’t beer. That
realization brought the next; Starsky could actually see it forming in the
middle of his chest, a weight pulling his shoulders into a subtle slump as he
raised tired, dismayed eyes to meet Starsky’s. Starsky, who was in his
apartment with his coat on, making coffee at two in the morning. “Ah, damn.”
“Yeah.”
“Same
guy?”
“Looks
like it.”
“Damn.”
So,
maybe it was a fate thing, unless he was going to credit the idea that Hutch
had some kind of magic powers. Because this time, Starsky was determined to be
the one who looked first, and he even took the stairs to the second floor of
the apartment building two at a time so he could beat Hutch to the scene. But
somehow he got waylaid by the coroner in the hallway and by the time he turned
the corner into the one-room apartment, Hutch was already there, the muscle
twitching in his clenched jaw and that curve in his back making him look like he
was braced under something heavy.
“So,”
Hutch said without turning, “Who answered her?”
She
was praying, kneeling at the side of the bed, clasped, bound hands folded under
her bowed forehead. She could have been a little kid saying, “Now I lay me down
to sleep,” except that she was a grown woman and she wasn’t sleeping. Starsky
crouched next to her and carefully swept the long straight hair away and over
her shoulder. He pulled her blouse down a little from her neck so he could
check her back.
“It’s
our guy,” he told Hutch as he pushed himself upright again. “There’s writing on
her back, but I can’t make it out. We’ll have to wait for the coroner to do his
thing.”
Hutch nodded, his eyes a little
hollow-looking in the slanting light from the bedside lamp, and then flat like
mirrors in the flash from the lab guy’s Polaroid. One of the uniforms slapped
the wall switch on his way out of the room and the overhead light came on,
making Hutch wince and duck his head like he was recoiling from a slap. He avoided
Starsky’s gaze and went to pull back the drapes. “Window’s locked.”
“Her
name’s Jocelyn Kandinsky. She works at the hospital.” Starsky tucked his
notebook back in his inside pocket. “She was on our list for tomorrow.”
He
scanned the room. A desk in the corner with thick books open under a reading
lamp. Bed made. A few photos on the dresser: Jocelyn smiling with a dark-haired
woman—maybe Vietnamese—against a splash of green, tropical leaves; Jocelyn in a
cap and gown, accepting a diploma from an old guy in the same regalia; a
scruffy-faced dog beside a swimming pool. Not much else to tell them about her.
Books and a bed and a dog.
On
one knee at the bedside table, Hutch held up a newspaper clipping over his
shoulder. “Check this out.” Starsky took it and Hutch went back to rummaging.
It
was a story about Peter Whitelaw, who stood in the photo looking serious and
official and earnest in front of his campaign banner. Starsky recognized the
slogan from the posters they’d seen at his campaign headquarters when they’d
questioned him after Blaine died. “Still doing the straight talk for the gay
community,” Starsky said. “You know, that slogan didn’t work the last time
around. You’d think he’d try something new.”
“Check
out who’s in the background.” Hutch stood and tapped the photo.
It
was hard to make out the details, and she was almost out of the frame, but the
long hair was a dead giveaway. “Jocelyn Kandinsky. Huh.”
“Huh,”
Hutch repeated and went to open the closet.
Starsky
folded the clipping into his pocket with his notebook. “Doesn’t look like it
happened here,” he said, stepping out of the way of the lab tech and holding up
a hand to shield his own eyes from the camera flash. “Unless he kept it real
quiet. Cleaned up after.” Outside the tiny apartment, the hallway was crowded
with neighbors in their pajamas. Death was always a bigger draw than sleep.
People had this weird need to get close to it. He could hear a television
playing “The Star Spangled Banner” nearby. He wasn’t sure if the station was signing
off or coming back on. “Somebody woulda heard something.”
With
a grunt of agreement, Hutch ducked out into the hall and crooked a finger at
the nearest uniform. Then he walked him over next to the bed. “Ron, right?”
The
uniform nodded.
“Okay,
Ron. See this?” Hutch crouched and tilted his head so he could look at the
woman’s face. She wore no makeup, a sprinkling of freckles across her nose,
fine red hair that stood out almost garishly against her too-white skin.
“Yeah.
Sir.” Ron’s gaze stuttered around the room, and only skated down to the body
when Hutch said his name again, and only for a second before darting up toward
some nondescript spot on the wall. His Adam’s apple bobbed. He looked like he
was about eighteen years old.
“Her
name is Jocelyn. Near as we can figure, this happened sometime in the last
twelve hours. Somebody around here heard a struggle or saw him in the hallway.
This guy is not invisible. He can’t just come and go without a trace.” Hutch’s
voice was low, his face just this side of fierce.
“No,
sir.” Ron shot Starsky a nervous glance.
“We
gotta make this guy, Ron,” Starsky said evenly. “Something’s gotta give here
and soon.” He leaned down and gave Hutch’s collar a tug, urging him out of the
way of the waiting body pick-up guys and their stretcher. “She’s the second. We
don’t want a third.”
Ron
nodded and kept nodding until Starsky stopped him with gentle slap on the back.
“Yes sir. We’ll do our best.” He fumbled his notebook out of his pocket and
opened it up, ready to do his best right then.
“Okay,
so let’s go shake the tree, see what falls out.”
Already
in the hallway outside the apartment, Hutch was dispatching uniforms to the
four corners of Jocelyn Kandinsky’s world. As he stalked off at the front of
the other cops, the crowd of rubberneckers parted in front of him like the Red
Sea.
If his stomach hadn’t been growling and if he
hadn’t been at least two-thirds asleep on his feet, and if there weren’t so
many bleeding and crying people involved, Starsky would’ve found it funny. As
it was, it pretty much just made him wince in a sympathetic bystander sort of
way, and he would’ve probably felt guilty about staying on the sidelines except
for the stomach growling and the asleep-on-his-feet and so on, which made
everything look like it was far away and on television. For his part, Hutch
looked like he was performing a scene from Bugs Bunny. The ER admitting
area was crowded, clamoring: kids screaming and, worse, gone past screaming to
blank-eyed staring, little hands in bandages, little legs in splints; grown-ups
demanding attention; a guy over in the corner holding a blood-soaked towel to
his head and puking into the garbage can; an old lady in a black shawl with her
eyes turned up to the ceiling, loudly and emphatically cursing God, or maybe
someone on the second floor. Through it all, nurses in white uniforms or
red-spattered green scrubs wove their way from disaster to crisis, eyes on
charts or faces hidden behind stacks of blankets or boxes. Every time one of
them came within earshot, Hutch held up a finger and said, “’Scuse me, I’m—” or
“Detective Hut—” or “I’m looking for—” and every time the nurse kept going,
carrying him a few paces in her wake until another going in a different
direction picked him up and dragged him along. Unless he was convulsing on the
floor, he probably wasn’t going to get any of them to deviate from her
determined path and maybe not even then, so long as he wasn’t also spouting
blood in the air like a water fountain and creating a safety hazard.
“You
cops?”
The
voice right by Starsky’s shoulder startled him so that he cracked his elbow on
the corner of the wall that was the only thing keeping him upright. Massaging
the sting out of the bone, he glanced toward the voice to find an orderly
standing beside him at the edge of the chaos. Behind him, a long hallway
stretched away down toward the operating theaters. Compared to the teeming
waiting room, the emptiness of it felt weird to look at, two-dimensional, and
the orderly in his whites with his interested but bland smile seemed
incongruous and dimensionless, like he was stuck on the scenery with tape.
Starsky
tried to rub the weirdness out of his eyes with his fist and went back to
leaning on the wall and watching the waiting room where Hutch was still hunting
the elusive nurses. Hutch never had this much trouble singling a nurse out of a
crowd. He must be losing his edge. Throwing his hands up in surrender, he shot
Starsky a beseeching look. Instead of wading into the fray, Starsky pointed to
the counter where one of the nurses was momentarily trapped by a ringing phone
and a man with an enormously pregnant woman on his arm.
The
orderly let out a thin laugh, reminding Starsky that he was still there.
Starsky
answered, “Yeah, we’re cops. Does it show?”
Hutch
waved his badge over the pregnant woman’s shoulder and the nurse barked
something at him that made him back up a few paces, propelled another couple of
steps by the glare the expectant mother strafed him with. If he’d had a tail it
would’ve been between his legs.
Starsky
shook his head and muttered, “Ouch.”
“He
your partner?”
“Yep.”
“Worried
about him?”
At
that, Starsky left Hutch to his own devices and frowned down at the orderly.
“Should I be?”
He
shrugged. “He looks stressed.” The guy raised pale eyes to search Starsky’s
face. “So do you. Must be a cop thing.”
Putting
a hand over one ear when a kid passing in a wheelchair started shrieking,
Starsky squinted and said, “Yeah, well, kinda goes with the territory.”
“Here,
too. Lots of people circling the drain around here. This place is like a funnel
sometimes.” The orderly made a swirling motion with his finger. “You guys are
here about Dr. Kandinsky? That kid, Anita?”
“Yeah.
You know them?”
“Not
to talk to. You know. Seen them around. They were tight. Twisted tight.”
Starsky
narrowed his eyes at the guy’s choice of words. “What d’ya mean ‘twisted’?”
“You
know. Like . . . ” The orderly raised his chin at Hutch. “Like you an’ him,
maybe, or . . . ” This time he pointed down the hallway behind them. “See that
guy? The old guy?”
At
the end of the hall, a man was sitting on the edge of a chair, rubbing his
hands together slowly like they wouldn’t settle down to praying. His hair was
wispy and gray, sticking up on the side like he’d forgotten to comb over his
comb-over. He was wearing slippers.
“Yeah.
What about him?”
“The
coffee, see?” The orderly leaned close so Starsky could sight down his pointing
arm like he’d spotted some kind of rare bird. He smelled of bleach and
licorice. “That guy’s wife has been in emergency surgery for four hours and he
just came back from the cafeteria with two coffees.”
Starsky
got it. “One for him. One for her.”
The
orderly nodded emphatically. “Wound up together, see? Twisted. She goes, he’ll
go too, in a month or a year.” He rubbed his chin, eyes alight, then wagged a
finger at the old man, admonishing. “You get twisted up with somebody, they’re
just going to pull you down with ’em, eventually. Happens every day around
here.”
Starsky
turned back to the waiting room to catch Hutch’s eye. “Yeah, maybe. But the
alternative’s no barrel of monkeys, either.”
“Better’n
setting yourself up for a fall. Better to be alone, y’know?”
“I
suppose it saves you money on coffee.” The guy snickered, but stopped when
Starsky added, “Not exactly compassionate, though.”
“Depends
what you mean by compassion. Can’t save nobody if you get twisted with them and
let them pull you under. Ask your partner there. Or maybe Dr. Kandinsky.”
After
thanking the nurse, who waved him away like he was a fly or something, Hutch
started to make his way over to them.
“So,”
Starsky said thoughtfully as he watched Hutch detour around the guy with the
bloody towel, only to get deflected again by the lady who was still cursing
God, only now He was apparently in the basement. “What are you saying? Jocelyn
Kandinsky was drowning . . . ” He let the sentence trail off so he could watch
the picture develop in his head, like a Polaroid going from gray to detail and
color. Because she was twisted up with Anita Spender. And maybe somebody had a
problem with that. “Listen, did—” he began, but when he turned to look the
hallway behind him was empty except for the old man, who now sat with his head
in his hands.
“Bobbie
Wyatt’s already punched out for the—” Hutch stopped talking and came to stare
down the hallway with Starsky. After a long pause he said, “What are you
looking for?”
“That
guy.”
“What
guy?”
“The
guy I was talking to just now. He said something about Jocelyn. He was . . . ”
Hutch was looking skeptical, one eyebrow raised. “He was right here. You looked
right at him.”
Hutch
made a silent oh. “That guy.” Turning around, he checked out the waiting
room. “What did he look like, exactly?”
“Um.”
Starsky tried to think of a word to describe him, but all that came to mind was
licorice. “He was, you know, average.”
“Right.
We’ll just put an APB out right now on an average-looking guy who didn’t want
to have a conversation with you. That’ll cut the list down to about half the
city’s male population.”
“You
know, you’re hilarious,” Starsky said acidly to Hutch’s back as he followed him
through the waiting room toward the doors.
Ignoring
the jab, Hutch led him out onto the sidewalk. “Bobbie Wyatt punched out
already, but the nurse at the desk said we could probably catch her at the bar
down the street.” He stood blinking in the sun with his hands on his hips and
looked first one way and then the other. Then he pointed left and took off with
long strides.
After
half a block, Starsky jogged a couple of paces to get even with him. “You think
we’re twisted?”
Hutch
cocked an eye at him. “What, you mean like bent?”
“No,
I mean like yarn.” Starsky whirled his index fingers around each other to
indicate twisted threads.
“Yarn,
huh?” Hutch was silent while they waited for the light to change at the
intersection. Then, as the rest of the pedestrians flowed around them across
the street, he said, “Do you wanna go back inside and get your head examined?”
“Hey,
it’s not me! I’m just asking you a question.” Starsky would have given
him a little slap on the shoulder except that he had to jump back to avoid
being creamed by a guy on a bicycle who passed between them at the speed of
light. “I didn’t come up with it.”
The
frown on Hutch’s face went from bemused to concerned. “What the hell did that
guy say to you?”
“Nothing.
Some jive about you an’ me being wound up together. That part don’t matter.”
They
had to run to make it across the intersection before the light changed again.
“Yeah,
okay, so maybe we’re twisted, if that’s the definition you’re using,” Hutch
answered as they hopped onto the curb to avoid a newspaper truck. “The yarn
definition. What about it?”
“Forget
the yarn. He said Anita and Jocelyn were twisted.” Forgetting to forget about
the yarn, Starsky made the winding gesture again and then stuffed his fingers
in the front pockets of his jeans where they couldn’t do stuff he told them to
forget about. “The two vics were close, is all I’m saying. Maybe real close.”
“Well,
that’s something to go on.” Hutch’s brow creased and it only took a second for
the thoughtful frown to work its way up to a scowl. “Maybe somebody didn’t like
that.”
“Yeah,
I went there, too.”
A
few paces later, Hutch added, “So what else did he say?”
Starsky
ran it back in his head. The old guy with the coffee, who followed the
ambulance to the hospital and never stopped to put on real shoes. Hutch in the
middle of the waiting room turning to Starsky with his hands up, just another
bit of debris caught in the crosscurrents of nurses and disaster. “I dunno.
Something about us circling the drain.”
“Who,
you and me?”
“No.
Or yeah. I dunno.”
“Like
yarn.”
Starsky
rolled his eyes.
“Isn’t
that kind of a mixed metaphor?”
Since Hutch obviously missed it the first
time, Starsky rolled his eyes again. “Can we just walk, please?”
“Okay.”
“Thank
you.”
“You’re
welcome.”
Twenty
paces later, Hutch pointed at the sign in a window that announced “cold beer
and good food” but Starsky put a hand on Hutch’s arm to stop him. “How come you
always go first?”
Hutch
turned to face him, more than a trace of exasperation in his “What?”
“At
the scenes. The ones with the bodies. You always go first.”
Hutch
shrugged, but there was the smallest twitch of the muscle in his jaw. “I dunno.
Just habit, I guess. Coincidence.” He started to go around Starsky to reach for
the door, but Starsky stepped into his path.
“There’s
more to it than that. It ain’t coincidence, and habits got reasons.”
Hutch’s
mouth smiled, but his eyes didn’t. His tone was light the way a snake’s rattle
was festive. “Okay, buddy, next DB’s all yours. You got dibs.” He pulled open
the door and grandly waved Starsky inside. “After you.”
Starsky
waved a finger under his nose. “This ain’t over.”
Now
Hutch rolled his eyes, and this time the smile was indulgent and almost real.
“You get into the pharmaceuticals back there? Seriously.”
“Who
needs ’em?” Starsky said, stepping into the dim hum of the bar. “Life with you
is already like a bad trip half the time.”
“You’re
the one going on about yarn.”
“I
think I’m going to kick your ass.”
“You’re
hot when you say ‘ass.’ Say ‘ass’ again.”
“That’s
my line.”
“Mine
now.”
“You
know, Hutch, that guy was right. You are twisted.”
The
nurse on the desk had told Hutch to look for a “battleaxe,” and Bobbie Wyatt
pretty much fit the bill. She was one thickness from her square jaw all the way
down, thin and muscled in that practical way, the kind that comes from hands-on
work, shifting rocks or luggage, or in her case, unconscious bodies from
gurneys to examining tables. She was hunched over a glass with one thick-veined
hand clenched in her graying hair and when he and Hutch loomed into her space,
she let go and sat back to peer at them, leaving her hair sticking up in
spikes. She didn’t seem to care too much.
“What?”
she said and then nodded to herself. “Oh yeah. You must be cops. You want to
talk about Joss.”
“That’s
right.” Starsky turned a chair around and straddled it while Hutch took the one
closest to her. “Anything you can tell us will help. And I’m Detective Sergeant
Starsky, by the way. He’s Hutchinson.”
“Wish
I’d never metcha,” Bobbie said and added a bitter laugh. “I bet people just go
white when they see you boys coming.” She raised her glass in a mock toast. “To
the fucking angels of death.” She drained the glass in one pull and signaled
the bartender for another.
Hutch’s
breath of laughter was about as cheerful as Bobbie’s. “Nope. Angels of death
come before. We only come after.”
“Thirsty?”
Starsky asked as the refill appeared on the table, handed down over his
shoulder by the hairy arm of God.
With
a beckoning waggle of her fingers, Bobbie leaned forward to meet Starsky up
close over the table. Her voice was low and furious. “You know what, Detective
Sergeant? I got called in to work at four this morning to cover a shift that
was suddenly not covered because my best friend was dead. And by seven I was
dealing with a head-on between a gas truck and a city bus. The first guy I saw
was missing half his face.” She leaned back and took a gulp of her drink before
slamming the glass down on the table, spilling scotch. “So yeah. I’m thirsty.
And also, fuck you.”
Hutch
slid a napkin over and dabbed at the spill. “We’re sorry for your loss,” he
said as he worked. For a second, his eyes snagged on Bobbie’s and her stony,
challenging expression faltered. “We need to know if anyone was hassling
Jocelyn. If she was seeing anybody.”
Bobbie
shook her head. “She was a second year resident. She was trying to get a
fellowship, really competitive. She didn’t have time to see anybody.”
“But
she knew Anita Spender,” Starsky said. “Someone at the hospital said they were
tight.”
“Yeah.”
Bobbie’s voice was thick. She cleared her throat, sipped her drink and coughed.
“She had a spark, that one. She was going to be something special.”
“Did
Jocelyn think so, too? That she was special?”
“Yeah.
She was helping her work on this grant application. Scholarships. Joss said it
would be a tragedy if that kid didn’t make it to med school because of money.”
“So
it was all about med school, then,” Hutch asked carefully.
Bobbie
raised her eyes slowly, assessing him, suspicious. “Yeah.” She took her time
looking down at the newspaper clipping Starsky slid across the table. Her lips
thinning, she picked it up and touched the blurry image of Jocelyn at the edge
of the picture behind Peter Whitelaw and his slogan. Another bitter laugh. “You
sons of bitches,” she said, shaking her head and dropping the clipping back on
the table. “You think because she was gay she was also depraved? Is that it? A
taste for jailbait? Goddammit.” She put her head in her hands. “Goddammit.”
Hutch’s
tone was patient. “We don’t think anything. We’re just trying to get a picture,
that’s all.”
When
she dropped her hands, her eyes were red and glistening. “It was about school.
Anita wanted to be a doctor. She looked up to Joss. That’s it. That’s all.”
With her knuckles she wiped tears away angrily.
Starsky
folded the clipping up and put it away in his notebook. “Okay. But is it
possible that somebody knew about Jocelyn? Got the wrong idea, maybe?”
“She
didn’t hide it, really, but she didn’t advertise it either. And like I said,
she was too busy to do anything except work. She was single-minded.” Her glass
was empty. Hutch caught the bartender’s eye and they sat silently until another
drink was clutched in her hands. “You think it was that?” she asked. “Because
she was gay?” Before either one of them could answer, she raised a hand. “Never
mind. You don’t know. You’re just trying to get the picture.”
Hutch
smiled and Bobbie smiled back, and the deep lines around her eyes and her mouth
said she did that a lot, in spite of the guy missing half his face and a
waiting room full of little kids with bandages on little arms and legs. It
wasn’t all about scotch in the middle of the afternoon.
“So
there was nobody else she was seeing?” Hutch prodded. “No interested guys got
the brush-off, maybe got steamed about it?”
She
shook her head. “The only guys she saw were at work, and they know what her schedule’s
like, and they’re pretty happy to accept that as the reason, you know? Easier
on the delicate male ego.” A significant glance at Starsky, which made him cast
a “why’s she lookin’ at me?” look Hutch’s way. She actually grinned at
him, like they were even. Then her eyes went distant for a second. “There was a
woman, though, from a couple of years ago. She met Joss when they were working
on Peter’s campaign.” She started nodding. “Yeah. Emily something. Vietnamese
girl. She owns a grocery store down in Oceanside Market.”
Starsky
made a mental note to get a copy of the photo from Jocelyn’s room, and to get
R&I to hunt down an address. Hutch was doing the same, only in his
notebook.
“She
was around a lot more lately,” Bobbie continued. “Peter’s on the campaign trail
again.” After a few seconds she spread her hands, showed them she was empty.
Hutch
looked up from his notes. “What about Anita? Was she close with anybody else at
the hospital?”
Bobbie
shrugged. “She wasn’t in my department, so I don’t know. Mostly I just saw her
with Joss.” When Hutch nodded and started to put his notebook away, she added,
a hand on his arm to stop him, “Sometimes she’d get a ride home though, on
Monday nights. I don’t know who with, a nurse or an orderly. Someone Joss knew
from her department.” She smiled sadly. “Joss didn’t like her taking the bus at
night. Too dangerous.”
“Thanks,”
Hutch said as they got up to go. “Next one’s on us, okay?”
Bobbie
grinned crookedly and lifted her glass. “To Joss. Wherever you are, I hope
you’re wearin’ something frilly.”
While
Hutch was at the bar, pointing toward Bobbie and giving the bartender enough
for a drink and a cab, Starsky was busy working his way through a sudden crowd
at the door, all of them in nurse’s uniforms or orderly whites under their
jackets. For a second, he was pinned by a pair of pale eyes, but by the time
Hutch had caught up with him the orderly who’d given him the slip in the
waiting room at the hospital was gone, lost in the group gathered around
Bobbie’s table. Bobbie was on her feet, her arms around some tall dark
handsome, her hands fisted in the back of his shirt, her shoulders shaking.
CHAPTER THREE
When they got back to the precinct someone
was shrieking by the intake desk, high-pitched and high-heeled and maybe female
but it was hard to be sure, given the size and obviousness of the wig and the
width of her shoulders. She or he managed to get one of those heels spiked into
the arresting officer’s instep and made it three strides toward the doors before
Starsky stuck a foot out and toppled her. He kept his knee in the middle of her
back just above her cuffed hands until the uniform hobbled over with his
partner to haul her off to holding, the blond wig stuffed under his arm like a
shaggy lapdog. She was a he, after all. By then Hutch was already up the
stairs. Moving heavily, Hutch was easy to catch, and Starsky paced along beside
him in the sludgy end-of-a-crap-day gloom that eddied out around him.
“I
can write up the Wyatt stuff,” Starsky said as they detoured around a cleaning
cart and headed for the squad room. “You haven’t slept since . . . ” Blinking
down at his watch, he tried to remember. “Tuesday?” He squinted down the
hallway like he was looking into the misty past. “What day is it, anyway?”
“Thursday.
And you haven’t slept, either.”
“I
slept, ’til I got the call about Kandinsky at one-thirty. That was a whole two
hour—” Distracted by the higher math he was doing, he ran into Hutch, who had
stopped in the squad room door.
“Dammit,”
Hutch said.
Starsky
looked over Hutch’s shoulder. Beverley Spender was sitting at Hutch’s desk.
Beside her on the floor were a suitcase and a shopping bag.
“Hey,
Hutchinson.” Vince Devetti strolled over, coffee in hand, and waved half a
doughnut in Mrs. Spender’s direction. “She asked for you. Said it was urgent.”
Normally
Starsky would’ve gotten in between them, but Hutch was blocking the doorway,
and anyway, as it turned out, Devetti kind of had it coming. Hutch got right in
his face and said in that low voice like a dog growling behind a plank fence,
“Devetti, what is she doing at my desk?”
“What?
She asked for you.”
“Her
daughter’s file is on my desk, you idiot.” After giving Devetti a shove
that mashed the doughnut into his jacket lapel, Hutch spat, “Fuck,” and stalked
into the squad room.
“Hey,
files is s’posed to be filed, Hutchinson,” Devetti groused, rubbing the
fruit filling stain deeper into the tweed with the heel of his hand. “And
somebody cleared her to come up here.”
“Let
it go, Devetti,” Starsky told him.
“He’s
the one breaking regs. It’s not my—”
“Just
cut him some slack, okay?”
Grudgingly,
Devetti nodded. “Yeah.” He tossed the squashed doughnut into the trashcan.
“Fucker of a case, huh?”
“Yeah.”
“He
looks like shit.”
“Yeah,
but at least he has a reason.” Starsky winked to prove he was mostly
kidding and Devetti indulged him by snorting out a laugh.
“Fuck
you, Starsky.”
“Sorry,
sailor. You’re not my type.”
Devetti
flipped him the bird and went back to whatever fucker of a case was keeping him
in the squad room this late.
Hutch
was right about Mrs. Spender. No way she should've been there. Starsky winced
as he made his way down between the rows of desks toward their own at the end
of the room, where she was sitting in Hutch’s chair. In her gloved hand was a
file, closed, on her lap. With the other hand she smoothed the cover in a slow
circle. For some reason the gloves made Starsky’s stomach twist up. Something
old-fashioned about them, proper. His mom had gloves like that; her hands passed
through his memory like birds against a window, blurred with motion and
distance. Beverley Spender was done up like she was going to church, except
here she was in the squad room with those glossy photographs in the file under
her hands.
“MC
56-021777,” she recited to Hutch, who was perched on the back of the chair for
the desk across the aisle. “What is that?” Her thumb smoothed back and forth
over the number stamped on the front of the file.
“It’s
a case number. That’s the lead detective’s badge number. The date.”
“Oh.
Lead detective. You?”
Hutch
shook his head. “That’s Detective Starsky this time.”
“You
take turns?”
Maybe
Starsky would’ve said something about how they went by who got up earlier, or
who picked up the radio or the phone first, or who felt like typing, but Mrs.
Spender’s hand kept moving over the cover of the file, and Hutch couldn’t seem
to tear his eyes from it, and Tuesday was a really long time ago and home was
about a million miles and twenty forms in triplicate away, so instead he just
said, “Yeah. We take turns,” and pulled himself up onto the desk beside Hutch
and wondered how he was going to get that file away from her without having to
watch her drown after.
“Mrs.
Spender,” Hutch said, and her eyes tracked a little uncertainly toward his
voice. “Detective Devetti said you had something important to talk about.”
“Yes.”
At that she let go of the file, held up her fist in the space between her and
Hutch, and opened her fingers. A necklace uncoiled and dangled from her hand,
the pendant slowly stopping its spin to resolve into a mermaid. Hutch held his
hand under it and she dropped it onto his palm. “It’s Anita’s. Her father gave
it to her after her first swim meet. It was the only one he got to see.” She
smiled at the memory and didn’t say anything for so long that Hutch looked over
his shoulder at Starsky and raised his eyebrows, wondering what to do next.
Finally, she blinked a few times and came back from wherever she’d gone. “She
never took it off.” A brief brightening as she laughed softly. “She had such a
fight with her coach about it. Didn’t go to practice for two weeks until she
let her wear it for competitions.”
Hutch
poked at the pendant, tracing a finger along the coiled tail. “Why did you
bring it here?”
“Because
he said to.”
Starsky
slid forward until his feet hit the floor. “Who?”
When
she turned her eyes on him, they were flat and blind-looking. “Him. He said to
look on the doorknob. Anita’s room. And I did and it was there.”
Hutch
shot Starsky another look over his shoulder. “He said this to you? He was in
your apartment?”
“On
the phone. And yes, he was there. He put the necklace there, didn’t he?” As she
spoke, her voice started to thin like she was stretched taut and everything was
rising up under the surface, sharp on the edges and ready to tear through.
Hutch
stood up long enough to pull the chair out from the desk, spin it around and
sit down on the edge of it. “Mrs. Spender, we need to know what he said.
Everything you can remember as closely as possible.”
“He
said she was safe now. He said we were free. He said now I had to choose.”
“Choose?
Choose what?”
Instead
of answering, she shook her head slowly and Hutch sighed and ran his hand over
his face, repeating, “Choose what?” under his breath.
The
light in the corner over Devetti’s desk was flickering and it felt like sleet
needling Starsky’s brain. The curve of Hutch’s neck as he bowed his head looked
vulnerable, and Mrs. Spender’s hand was still moving over the damn file. Trying
to find someplace to settle, Starsky’s gaze fell to the suitcase and the bag
beside Mrs. Spender’s feet. A bit of yellow cloth was sticking out of the case.
In the bag were the photos from the wall over her sofa, and he could make out a
curve of gold, the crest of a trophy.
As
if following Starsky’s lead, Hutch’s hand crossed the space and fell on the
trophy. He hooked a finger around it and pulled it a little way out of the bag.
It wasn’t a crest after all, but a stylized diver. He let it go and it settled
with a clank. “What’s all this, Mrs. Spender?”
“I’m
not going back there.”
“That’s
probably a good idea. If you don’t have someone to stay with, we can see if
maybe we can set you up in a hotel and you can go back when things get back to
normal.”
Startling
them, her laugh was like the sharp rap of a hammer followed by breaking glass.
“Normal,”
she said as her hands tightened convulsively around the file, crumpling its
edges. “You know, the sun comes up and I get out of bed and I make breakfast
and I set two places. The sun comes in the window just the same way it used to
and it’s all just the same as it was—” Her words were running together now as
one hand splayed palm-up toward Hutch, asking, desperate, and her eyes were
wide and not blind-looking at all anymore. “—and I go here and I go there
because it’s all just like it was before only she’s not there.” The
accusing fury in her gaze knocked Hutch back a little in his chair. “Fuck
normal. You come to work and you do your job and tomorrow there will be
another file and another number and I’ll be setting the fucking table!”
She
lifted the file and brought it down on Hutch’s knee so that the cover slipped
out of her gloved hand and opened. The neatly typed forms flapped from their
staples, and the photographs poured out over the side of Hutch’s leg, one after
the other like a broken film strip, Anita Spender falling apart in precise
black and white for the coroner’s camera. Mrs. Spender clapped her hand over
her mouth and then the other one, too, but she couldn’t stop the sound that was
rising up out of her.
She
slumped over her knees and broke open with a wail.
Hutch
was leaning against the wall in the hallway across from the ladies room, his
hands in the pockets of his jacket. For a second Starsky thought maybe he’d fallen
asleep on his feet, but he raised his head when Starsky got close.
“She’s
in there,” he said, pointing at the bathroom with his elbow.
Starsky
matched his posture, miscalculating, and he fell back against the wall hard
enough to force a grunt out of himself. Rubbing at the grit in his eyes with
the heels of his hands, he stifled a yawn and said, “I called Dobey. He okayed
a hotel for tonight but she’s gotta see the shrink tomorrow and he can figure
out what to do with her. The department’s not gonna foot the bill for long-term
accommodations.”
“Of
course not.”
“We’re
not in the hotel business, apparently. And lots of people lost kids this week.”
He held up a hand to ward off the glare he didn’t have to see to know was
coming. “His words, not mine.” The next yawn cracked his jaw and made him bend
over to brace himself on his knees. “I’ll drop her on my way—”
“I’ll
do it.”
Starsky
pushed himself away from the wall so he could look Hutch right in his watery,
bloodshot eyes. “Right. And I’m gonna be real thrilled to get called outta bed
because you wrapped that heap of yours around a telephone pole.”
“I’ve
made it this far. Another hour and five miles isn’t going to kill me.” Hutch
blinked hard and let his hand fall heavily on Starsky’s shoulder before
slipping down his arm and away. “Somebody has to process that new evidence. And
we’re going to have to canvass her building again.”
“Yeah,
okay. I’ll get that started.” Starsky waggled a finger under Hutch’s nose. “One
condition.”
“Yes,
mom, I’ll drive straight home and get some sleep.” Hutch was too tired to
smile, but Starsky could see it there in the twitch at the side of his mouth.
Scratching
his head, Starsky looked back toward the squad room where the paperwork was
waiting. He’d have to pull the file, get it back in order, too. He’d gathered
up the forms and pictures while Hutch had gotten himself between Mrs. Spender
and the images scattered around her chair on the floor. Hutch had crouched next
to her with his arm around her heaving shoulders, and Starsky had pulled the
pictures out from between Hutch’s feet and stuffed them back into the manila
folder, had walked the long way round the row of desks and back up the other
side to the filing cabinet. After stuffing the file inside, he’d leaned his back
against the drawer like maybe the pictures would try to claw their way out
again.
Now as he stared sightlessly down the
hallway, he thought that maybe if they were lucky she wouldn’t see them when
she closed her eyes. Maybe she hadn’t been able to make sense of them, anyway.
She didn’t know how to see the way they did: coroners, cops, killers. She
shouldn’t.
Hutch
kicked the side of Starsky’s shoe. “You okay?”
“Yeah.
You?”
“Situation
normal.”
“That
good, huh?” Starsky squeezed his wrist and turned to head back to the squad
room. “I’ll pick you up in the morning.”
“Starsk.”
Hutch was staring at his boots.
“Yeah?”
“Which
is worse, d’ya think, her normal or ours?”
Hutch’s
question was a needle running through the pages of a book, stitching together
things that were months apart in time, and in Starsky’s head, close as one page
to another. Starsky looked at Hutch’s hand hanging empty at his side and for a
second he could actually feel the way the sun fell on his own hands in his
kitchen the day after Terry died, the way holding a coffee cup like he always
did felt perfectly wrong. Everything should have stopped, especially things
like coffee, or wanting coffee. That morning, Hutch was on Starsky’s couch like
he’d been all night, and after all the hours of silence when Starsky had held
the cup toward Hutch and said, “It ain’t right,” Hutch had said, “I know.” And
then he’d made Starsky breakfast because somehow, impossibly, Starsky was
hungry.
Now,
in his pockets, Starsky's hands were sweaty and curled around the memory of a
cup, and his mouth tasted of cold coffee and ash, and his face was warmed by
the ghost of a sun that had no right rising again. But it did, anyway. Hutch
was watching him expectantly, pale eyebrows raised and expression open, like he
really needed to hear the answer, so Starsky said, “Her kid dies, and she
thinks the world should end. We know it doesn’t.”
Hutch’s
head fell back and he aimed bleary eyes at the ceiling. He lifted his fist and
it swung back to bounce dully against the wall at his side. “Maybe she’s right.
Maybe it should end. Maybe it’s ending a case at a time, and we just can’t see
it anymore.”
Starsky
braced his feet against the pull of the undertow, reached out and hooked Hutch
by his collar. “Maybe you need to get some sleep. You’re fucking depressing.”
Hutch
laughed the old not-laugh of doom. “I’m deep.” The back of his fist against his
mouth, he yawned. “It just looks like depressing to the simple-minded.” After
squeezing Starsky’s fingers and untwisting them from his jacket, he waved him
toward the squad room. “Pick me up early. Don’t bring doughnuts.”
“Now
you’re really depressing.”
Mrs.
Spender came out of the bathroom, her face scrubbed and her eyes still red. Her
suitcase in one hand, her shopping bag under his arm, Hutch guided her out of
the precinct, his free hand on the small of her back.
Third
shift was just coming on when Starsky finally pushed his chair under his desk
and tossed the last crushed coffee cup into the garbage can. His hand hovering
over the phone, he considered calling Hutch to make sure he’d followed through
on his promise, but he heard Hutch’s voice saying, I would be sleeping,
Starsk, if somebody wasn’t calling me every five minutes to find out if I’m
sleeping. So instead he left the phone alone, and let sleeping dogs—or
cops—lie.
His
request for manpower to canvass Beverley Spender’s building again was already
in Dobey’s in-box, and the necklace was already in lockup. He was getting
cross-eyed going over the reports from the Kandinsky scene for the twentieth
time. Out in the hallway, a woman in a hoop skirt was standing on a chair
belting out show tunes and fending off a couple of uniforms with her shepherd’s
crook, so Starsky decided to take the hint and call it a night. He hoped that
the killer had the same idea. Even the evil gotta sleep, right? No rest for
the wicked, Hutch said in his head and Starsky muttered, “Shut up and go to
sleep, you chump,” as though an imaginary Hutch would be any more likely to
follow orders than a real one would.
As
he made his way down the hall toward the stairs, his mind drifted sideways into
thoughts of the Pits, its smoky darkness and the smell of booze and perfume and
onions, where Huggy was probably already philosophizing and maybe doing it in rhyme
while he leaned on the bar with an unlit cigarette bobbing in the corner of his
mouth. An hour or two on a bar stool with his toes hooked under the boot rail,
his fingers making patterns in the slick condensation on a glass of beer, and
maybe Starsky would be able to sleep after without seeing Beverley Spender’s
gloved hand moving over the case file, or Hutch’s square finger poking at the
pendant in his palm.
But
he didn’t figure even Huggy’s patter and a beer buzz would stop the words
running through his head like tickertape, only printed in neat black letters on
Jocelyn Kandinsky’s back: First do no harm. Starsky snorted a disgusted
breath through his nose. This fuck had a strong sense of irony. Or maybe not.
He dug in his jacket pocket for his key chain and ground his teeth down on a
yawn. Harm who? Anita Spender, probably. But why kill her, too? Maybe he
figured she was guilty by association, or tainted. He thought of the wine. Sin
and salvation. But which one? Bringing back the pendant seemed to suggest the
latter, an act of compassion. Was the killer trying to comfort Beverley Spender
or torment her? Everything about this guy seemed to cut two ways. Starsky was
spinning his key chain around his finger, and the questions did the same, round
and round in time with the fall of his feet. “First do no harm,” he repeated
under his breath. What if it wasn’t about Jocelyn’s oath? What if it was about
the killer? So, then, cut it two ways: how could killing someone not be
harmful? Depends how you define compassion, the guy at the hospital had
said. The pendant turned in Starsky’s mind’s eye, a consolation and a taunt. He
thought again of the old guy in the hospital hallway, head in his hands, and of
Mrs. Spender doubled over among the pictures of her daughter, of Hutch braced
under the weight of a hundred cases, showing up every day to shoulder the next
one, of Terry with Prudholm’s bullet in her head. “Love hurts,” he concluded.
A
passing clerk looked quizzically at him. “You got that right,” she said with a
rueful grin and kept going, too busy to stop for philosophy.
The
guy told Beverley Spender to choose. Choose what? Clenching his fists and
stuffing them in his pockets, Starsky remembered Prudholm’s face as he’d dared
Starsky to kill him. Choose who you’re gonna be.
Starsky’s
yawn became a groan. Why couldn’t it just be about money or revenge, something
that made sense? “Bad is bad and good is good,” he said, and then, “Shut up,
Starsky. You’re talking to yourself.” Think beer and burger, beer and burger.
He’d’ve done it, too, drowned out the noise with the mantra and made it all
the way to Huggy’s and then home to fall face-down on his bed to sleep until
morning, except for Officer Ron Blakey.
“Detective
Starsky!”
His
voice stopped Starsky at the top of the stairs, and Starsky waited while the
officer jogged down the hallway and pulled up beside him panting and grimacing
in pain. His uniform sleeve was rolled up above a cast covering his arm from
knuckles to elbow and he cradled the arm to his chest protectively.
“You
oughta have a sling for that,” Starsky said.
“I
do. I left it in the car.” Other than the broken arm, Ron looked pretty much
like he had in the middle of the night at the Kandinsky place: a little
owl-eyed with something between earnestness and mild panic, but scrubbed shiny
and ironed precisely, with a spit-polished badge and a perfect part in his
hair. He looked like a teenager in a wedding party, proud of his position and
scared of it, too. In other words, rookie green as grass.
Starsky
couldn’t help smiling at him as he pointed at the cast. “What happened?”
Ron
presented the cast like it was a new piece of case-breaking evidence and then
grinned wide with just a hint of cockiness. “Busted it chasing some drug
dealers over a fence. Busted them, too.” He stood up a little straighter. “We
found ’em when we were doing the canvass of the Kandinsky building. They were
cooking the stuff in the super’s unit. Chased them twelve blocks.” He hugged
the broken arm in close to his chest again as he winced. “I didn’t even know it
was broken until I tried to cuff the guy. My partner had to do that part.” He
looked a little crestfallen at that.
“Good
work,” Starsky said, and clapped him on his good shoulder. “Above and beyond.”
He
turned to go, but Ron hurried around to get in front of him, going down a
couple of steps on the stairs before holding up his notebook close to Starsky’s
face to halt him.
“Wait.
I got something for you.” One-handed, he awkwardly flipped pages with the book
braced against his chest. “Somebody saw a guy with Kandinsky, maybe, last
evening.”
“Maybe?”
Starsky took a step down and angled his head to get a glimpse at Ron’s book.
“She—er,
Mrs. Hennessy, in 223—wasn’t positive because Kandinsky worked crazy hours so
she wasn’t around much, but she recognized the long hair. She said she looked
drunk, too, which stuck in her head, because she knows Kandinsky was a doctor
and she was always real quiet, so her coming home stumbling drunk was weird,
she thought.”
Starsky
took Ron’s book out of his hand. “How come you didn’t bring this in, Ron?” he
asked as he scanned the notes written in Ron’s tiny, meticulously neat script.
“You did this interview at 7 a.m. We been chasing our tails all day.”
Holding
up his cast, Ron bridled. “Hey, it’s not my fault. We flushed these dealers and
then I had to sit in emergency for six hours because there was this accident
with a bus and a gas truck—” He swallowed, making his Adam’s apple bob in his
freshly-shaved throat. “—and you should’ve seen it. A whole bunch of kids and
lots of people burned crispy. Anyway, I was six hours getting my cast and then
the painkillers knocked me out. I wasn’t even supposed to be in tonight but I
wanted to give you that.”
“Okay,
okay.” Starsky waved him silent and leaned his hip on the stair rail, paging
through the notes with his thumb. “No description of the guy?”
Ron
shrugged. “She said he was average.”
Starsky
grunted. “Average. Terrific.”
“The
only thing she could remember for sure was that he was wearing white shoes.”
Starsky
lifted his head and pinned Ron with a narrow-eyed look. “White shoes?”
“Yeah,
not fancy ones like with a tuxedo.” He reached over and flipped a page, then
tapped the book. “Rubber soles. She said they were squeaky, which is why she looked
up and saw them in the hallway.”
“Hospital
shoes.”
Ron
nodded. “Makes sense. Kandinsky must’ve had friends from the hospital, right?”
Absently,
Starsky closed the notebook and pressed it against Ron’s chest. “Right.” They
were tight. Twisted up tight. The orderly in the waiting room had raised
his chin at Hutch. Like you two. His eyes had lit up in his unmemorable
face. That’s why it’s better not to get too close, see. You get wound up
with somebody, they’re just going to pull you down with ’em, eventually. At
the bar, the pale eyes had caught Starsky for a second, and then the guy was
gone, hidden somewhere in the crowd of mourners around Bobbie Wyatt’s table.
Starsky jabbed Ron in the shoulder with a stiff finger. “He told Beverley
Spender that they were free. He said it was better to be alone.”
“Who
did?”
But
Starsky was already heading down the stairs. “Call Detective Hutchinson. He
should be home by now,” he shouted over his shoulder. “Tell him to meet me at
Bobbie Wyatt’s place.”
The
streetlight in front of Bobbie’s bungalow was out. Starsky stood in the crackle
of glass shards and looked up at the dangling wires hanging from the fixture
silhouetted against the orange glow of low-hanging clouds. “Terrific,” he
muttered.
Around
him, the neighborhood was quiet. Most of the houses that hunkered down behind
their low fences or hedges were dark except for the occasional blue flicker of
a TV behind closed blinds. A couple blocks away at the intersection, a van was
parked askew in the parking lot of a Kwickie Mart, Bowie’s “Golden Years”
blaring, tinny and distorted, through the open back doors. A black and white
crawled into the lot and pulled up beside the van. “In the back of a dream car
twenty foot long,” Bowie sang as the cop’s flashlight played across the van’s
sides and swept in through the driver’s side window. There was some shouting
from inside. The van’s doors closed and “I believe, oh lord, I believe all the
way” was muted and then stretched thin as the van lurched off the curb and into
traffic. Lights flashing and siren winding up to a howl, the black and white
pulled out of the lot and tore off in the opposite direction, on the trail of
bigger threats to life and security than a bunch of kids with a bong and a
crappy stereo.
On
the sidewalk in front of Bobbie’s house, Starsky checked his watch and then
unsnapped his holster. He looked down the street both ways. No sign of Hutch,
who was probably out walking instead of at home in bed where he could get
rousted in the middle of the night again to come back Starsky up. He’d sent a
patrol by Hutch’s house, told them to check the beach, but there was no word
and no telling when he’d surface. Hutch could walk all night when he got in a
mood. Another black and white blasted down the cross street, lights flashing,
followed a few seconds later by two more. Something big was going down in
Chinatown, probably, which maybe accounted for the fact that his own backup was
delayed. Maybe he didn’t need backup, anyway, although he was pretty sure given
the right motivation Bobbie Wyatt could probably wipe the mat with him on a bad
day. And white shoes were pretty slim evidence to base a hunch on. Maybe the
guy had better things to do tonight than pay a visit to the next in line on
Jocelyn Kandinsky’s list of friends and associates. And maybe a hunch was a
hunch and bad guys didn’t take days off.
Starsky
went up the walk between beds of yellow flowers, climbed the steps and rapped
on Bobbie’s front door. He waited. He rapped again and this time called her name,
adding, “Police” for good measure. Nothing. Anchoring himself on the doorjamb,
he leaned sideways over the railing, but the blinds were drawn over the window
and he couldn’t see in. Somewhere inside a light was on, and when he put his
head close to the glass he could hear the faint thudding of music probably
coming from the back of the house.
With
another quick glance down the street, he swung himself over the railing and
down onto the lawn, then walked between the house and the fence toward the back.
He could hear the sound of a car engine idling in the alley on the other side
of the fence and Ella Fitzgerald mourning in a throaty warble inside the house.
The alley gate was open and a long rectangle of light falling onto the driveway
told him that the back door of the house was open, too.
He
was just fading back the way he came to put in another call for backup when the
music inside cut out with the ripping sound of a needle across vinyl. In the
new silence voices rose up—Bobbie’s first, a sharp lance of protest that didn’t
resolve into words, and then a man’s, low and measured, almost reassuring
except that it was followed by the sound of breaking glass. A few beats later
Bobbie screamed, but the sound was muffled quickly.
Starsky
jogged the rest of the way to the corner of the house, looked back toward the
Torino and its radio parked about fifty miles away on the other side of the
street and then with a whispered “Shit,” pulled the 9mm out of its holster and
slipped along the wall, around the corner and toward the porch and the open
door. There was no way to get up the steps without moving into the light, so he
ducked under the railing and pulled himself up onto the side of the porch where
he could stand in the narrow band of shadow between the door and the kitchen
window. A quick glance through the window showed him nothing but a small table,
newspaper spread out under a plate with half a sandwich still on it, and beyond
that a fridge and the dark rectangle of a doorway leading to a hallway and the
rest of the house. Holding his breath, he listened carefully, but all he could
hear was the low, steady chugging of the car in the alley and a fire engine’s
siren coming from Hudson Street.
Slowly
he crouched down and edged his eye around the doorjamb. This angle was a little
better. He could see straight down the hallway to the front door, the diamonds
of the windowpanes and the oblique matching shapes of pale light on the hallway
floor. Doorways opened up on each side of the hall, one closed, the other ajar,
and halfway down beyond the closed door there was an arch probably leading to
the living room. No sign of Bobbie or the man. Staying low, Starsky swung
around and into the kitchen.
Broken
glass crunched under his feet, and his heel skidded out from under him in a
puddle of milk. He caught hold of the handle of the oven and managed not to end
up on his back. It was then, while he was bracing himself to get up, that he
saw her. She was on the other side of the kitchen, propped where two counters
met, in the blind spot where the angles had been all wrong when he’d looked
through the window and then through the door. She was sitting upright, legs
folded under her, hands bound with wire and resting folded in her lap. Her head
was bowed. She was in a pink terrycloth bathrobe, and it gaped open in front to
show a crucifix around her neck and the curved shadow of a breast.
Starsky
looked hard into the darkness of the hallway but could see nothing. He skirted
the broken glass and the milk, then an overturned chair, staying close to the
outside wall so he could keep an eye on the hallway as he crouched to press his
fingers to Bobbie’s neck. He blew a relieved breath out between pursed lips
when he felt the steady throbbing of her pulse and looked toward the phone on
the wall beside the kitchen door. Before he could get up, though, a shadow fell
on him from behind—not from the hallway, but the open back door—and an arm
snaked around his neck and a wet, sweet-smelling cloth folded over his mouth.
He heard the 9mm clatter to the linoleum, but he didn’t see anything at all.
CHAPTER FOUR
He
was staring into an open, clouded black eye. He had to look at it for a long
time before he figured out what it was, and that in all that time—and who knew
how much time that was—the eye hadn’t blinked.
Somehow
that realization reminded him to blink, and his eyelids fell like steel doors
grating across sand and then wouldn’t open again. That left him in the dark
with space expanding and contracting around him in time with his breathing,
which was too fast, panicky and shallow. The floor heaved up and fell again and
he figured from the pressure on his tailbone that he’d rolled onto his back. It
took way too long for all his innards to catch up, space inside twisting like
liquor in a rolling bottle. It made sense that puking would be next, and he
felt himself turning inside out. He coughed and tasted bile, heaved in another
breath and coughed harder, started to flail in his brain because now he
couldn’t breathe at all. Nice way to go, he thought, drowning in my
dinner. Then: I never got any dinner.
A
hand gripped his arm and he was rolled onto his side again. A warm touch on his
head, patting his hair gently, then his back, moving in soothing circles while
he spat onto the cool floor near his face.
“Aspiration
is a problem,” a voice said, and Starsky jerked away from the hands. It wasn’t
Hutch. “Shh. It’s okay. Nausea is pretty typical, and it’ll pass, but you can’t
lie on your back, okay? Stay on your side. Don’t want to choke yourself, now.”
No.
Don’t want to do that. Hutch, Starsky decided, was going to kill him.
For
the next while, however long that was, he concentrated on not choking himself.
That meant a lot of grinding teeth and trying to get his breathing under
control. And that part was freaky because he felt like he was running a
four-minute mile or maybe like he was scared—facing down a rattlesnake
scared—and he really wasn’t with it enough to be that scared so that meant
there was something wrong inside. The engine was racing. He tried holding his
breath, counting to five before exhaling. That made him feel like he was
drowning again, so he gave up and went back to panting.
“That’ll
pass, too,” the voice said reasonably. “Respiratory distress isn’t unusual.
Give it a few minutes.”
That
was reassuring. Assuming that his heart wasn’t going to burst right away,
Starsky filed “respiratory distress” in the “things you can’t do fuck about”
category and focused instead on opening his eyes. That hurt. The steel-on-sand
feeling was still there and he wondered if maybe this whole project was a good
idea, especially when he managed to actually get his lids open and the first
thing he saw was a pair of white shoes. One rubber sole was tipped up toward
him—the guy was kneeling—and it made a slight grating sound on the concrete as
it turned when the guy shifted his weight. A moment later, the shoe flattened
down on the floor next to the other, and they rose up one at a time out of
sight. He’d stepped up and over something.
Again,
Starsky was staring at an open, cloudy black eye.
The
eyes stared sightlessly back from a round face, livid on the side closest to
the floor and otherwise an almost translucent gray-white that made her look
like she’d been carved from wax. Her hair was spread out under the cheek like a
black fan, and tucked up close under her chin were her folded hands. She had
short, blunt fingers, he noticed, laced together as if in prayer. The thumbnail
was missing on the left one, only a black patch of dead blood left in its
place. As a shadow moved away he caught a gleam of wire, the windings almost
lost in the loosening flesh of her wrists. It was the girl from the photograph
in Jocelyn’s apartment. Emily something.
Starsky’s
eyes wanted to close again, but he didn’t let them.
“You
fucking sonofa—” he began, but with the breath he took in to say it his dulled
senses woke up, and he was assaulted by the stench of vomit and the
sick-sweetness of decay. Under that, he could smell oranges and dust and his
own sweat and as the shadow fell on him again, bleach and licorice. He gagged
and curled tight against the rising bile in his throat.
Again
the gentle hand made circles on his back, and he thrashed away from the touch,
coming up short against something solid. He twisted his neck so he could look
up. It was a stack of packing crates, wobbling slightly with the impact. When
he lifted his hands over his face, ready to deflect the crates if they fell, he
discovered that he was bound at the wrists, heavy wire wrapped around and around
and twisted tight on the ends. It would take pliers to get that off. He let his
head fall back against the floor. “Bastard,” he said dully. Emily stared at
him.
“If
you say so,” the reasonable voice said.
“I
say so.” Starsky’s voice rasped in his throat and brought the taste of blood.
He swallowed hard. No more puking, thanks. No more comforting touches on him,
thank you very, very much. “Where’s Bobbie?”
“Over
there.”
The
guy was on the other side of Emily’s body—Starsky noticed now that she was
shirtless—and he tilted his head toward the far side of the room. Starsky
writhed around until he got his elbows under him, swallowing hard to keep the
nausea at bay and finding out along the way that his ankles were bound, too. He
squinted into the shadows between more packing crates. Bobbie was there,
slumped in the same position she’d been in back in her kitchen, leaning
sideways against the wall on her knees, except that now her robe hung low off
of one shoulder. Starsky could just make out the neat, regular black markings
that disappeared around the angle of her shoulder blade along her back. Her
chest rose and fell rapidly, like his own, and she gasped out small breaths
through open lips.
Relieved,
Starsky let his head fall to rest on his bound hands, then, recognizing that
posture, lifted it again, fast enough to make the room spin around him. Closing
his eyes only made it worse so he stared at his thumbs until things swung
slowly back into place. He was distantly happy that his own breathing was slowing
down so that he could hear something beyond his own body. There were no traffic
sounds, but there was a hushed, measured rushing that he recognized as the
ocean. Oceanside Market, then. Emily’s shop. Knowing that made the room feel
more solid under him and he was able to brace himself on elbows and knees and
push himself upright. He fell back against the crates, cringing when they
creaked above him and relaxing a bit when they didn’t come crashing down on
him. At least he was sitting up and could see better. He wiggled his toes.
Tingling and then stabbing with pins and needles. His hands, too. But at least
they were there, now, real again. Things were looking up. Coming up daisies.
Wasn’t he lucky.
On
the other side of Emily’s body, the guy was whistling softly as he worked,
black marker in his hand.
“What’s
your name?”
The
guy paused and raised his head to look at him. He had pale eyes in a
soft-featured, clean-shaven face, sandy hair falling wispy over his forehead.
White bread and mayonnaise. Starsky figured that, if he closed his eyes right
now, he wouldn’t be able to picture the face at all. His marker poised over
Emily’s shoulder, the guy was considering him with an expression somewhere
between compassion and not quite contemptuous pity, and Starsky could imagine
being glad to see him in the hospital when the drug haze was thinning and pain
was showing through. He could imagine welcoming those competent hands moving
knowingly and with purpose to make things right. The thought made the bile rise
up in his throat again.
“What’s
your name?”
“Ivan.”
Apparently the guy decided he was going to play. That was probably a bad sign
so far as Starsky’s probably short life expectancy was concerned.
“Ivan
what?”
“Precosky.”
Ivan
went back to writing on Emily’s back, hunching over because of the bad angle. Should’ve
put her on her stomach instead of her side before the rigor set in, Starsky
thought, and then gave himself a mental kick in the head. It was the drugs, he
told himself, definitely the drugs. But then Ivan shifted her a little and she
moved fairly easily. Rigor on the way out, then. The timeline started to take
shape in Starsky’s head. Emily was first, before Jocelyn and Anita. Starsky
listened to the waves rushing up and down the sand outside and thought of the
dark and empty market, closed until the weekend. Of course. Ivan needed a
place. No one would miss her until the shops opened on Friday. In the shadows
Bobbie let out a soft moan, and for a second, Starsky could imagine Anita there
in that same corner waking up to Emily’s blank stare. His hands curled into
fists and he had to breathe deep a few times to get them to relax again. Ivan
was taking a risk bringing them back into the city to be found.
Starsky watched Bobbie
crawling her way back to consciousness, her fingers twitching.
But they had to be
found, didn’t they? Praying. For forgiveness? Ivan had stopped whistling and
was humming, his face uncreased and attentive as his hands played gently across
Emily’s back, competent, purposeful.
“So,
Ivan,” Starsky said conversationally. If he hadn’t been trussed up like a
turkey he’d have crossed his ankles and hitched an elbow on the edge of the
crate behind him and looked very interested and friendly. Of course, that
routine was a lot easier with Hutch prowling in the background ready to shove
the perp in Starsky’s direction. “Why are you doin’ this, Ivan, huh?”
Ivan
shrugged.
“C’mon.
Smart guy like you’s gotta have a reason.”
“You
already know,” Ivan answered. He licked his thumb and rubbed a spot on Emily’s
skin, then wiped it dry with the sleeve of his uniform. “You see what I see.”
“And
what’s that?”
“Weakness.”
He rocked back on his heels, knees up, arms resting on them. The marker dangled
from his fingers. He looked for a second like a little kid, playing marbles on
the sidewalk. “It’s all over the place.” The free hand waved vaguely. “It’s a
weak world.”
Starsky
nodded slowly, closing his eyes for a second against the to-and-fro rocking of
the room. He pulled his knees up so he could brace his feet more solidly on the
swaying floor. “So killing women and little girls helps . . . how?”
Ivan’s
eyes narrowed. “I save them.”
“From
what?”
“Each
other.”
“Anita
Spender never hurt anybody.” Anger made the words come out in a snarl. So much
for interested and friendly. “Jocelyn never did. I don’t know too much about
Emily here, but I bet she never even killed spiders.”
Ivan
dismissed him with a sharp slash of his hand and fell forward again onto his
knees so he could get his face close to Emily’s back. He shook his head,
disgusted, maybe betrayed. “Don’t pretend you’re stupid. You’re a cop. You’re
out there every day watching it happen. You know what I mean.”
“Maybe
I ain’t as smart as you think.” But he was, only it wasn’t the kind of smarts
he wanted to own up to. He tried to turn away from it, but his gaze fell again
on Bobbie slumped in the corner. Her eyes were open now and she was watching
Ivan stonily while she twisted her wrists inside the bindings.
She
licked her lips and said it, just as Starsky was thinking it. “He did it
because they loved each other.”
Ivan
looked over his shoulder at Bobbie and then aimed a grin at Starsky. “See?” he
said, pointing at her with the marker. “She gets it.”
“So,”
Starsky said, “you killed them because you figured they were gay?”
A
baffled expression on his plain face, Ivan blinked at him. “What?”
“Jocelyn
was. Emily was.” Starsky frowned, started rearranging things in his head like
he was moving furniture in the dark. “You didn’t do this—” He lifted his hands
to indicate Emily. “—because they were gay?”
The
disgusted look was back. “That’s sick,” Ivan said. “What difference does it
make if somebody’s gay?” He shook his head again, disappointed. “That’s cold,
man. Join the twentieth century, huh?”
Starsky
wiped his forehead on his sleeve. Still unsettled by the drug, his brain was
too clumsy for this, kept stumbling off into the fog, running into things. And
it didn’t help that he was apparently in the wrong territory. But the whole
story was there, waiting to bruise his shins, if he could just feel it out.
Working
quietly, Ivan seemed content to let him mull things over. He’d made his way
almost to the small of Emily’s back now and paused to lean away and tilt his
head this way and that, appraising. He added something to the lines near her
neck.
“There
was no body art in Boston,” Starsky said mostly to himself, but knew he’d hit
it right when Ivan shrugged and nodded.
“People
are pretty thick,” Ivan said. “I waited for them to get the picture, but they
didn’t. They didn’t get it in New Jersey, either. Or Savannah.” He waggled the
marker at Starsky and then bent his head again. “Sometimes you have to spell it
out so they get the message.”
“What
message?” Bobbie’s voice was tight, like she was just one step away from
tipping over into hysteria or more likely, rage.
Starsky
fumbled with the images in his head, turned them around so that he could put
them together like Ivan would, so they cut two ways: Hutch holding Mrs. Spender
in the rubble. Terry leaving presents for him and Hutch behind. Even Prudholm,
all the dead cops in the world not enough to balance the loss of a kid. ’’“Love
hurts,” Starsky said.
Ivan’s
smile was delighted and he nodded like Starsky had just won the spelling bee.
“You get twisted up with someone, they bring you down. They make a hole where
the pain gets in.” He tapped his chest over his heart with the end of the
marker. “Vulnerable. That guy, the lawyer, he proved it after Boston, except
you dumb cops were too stupid to see it, and it was written on the wall in
black and white.” He grinned. “Or red and white, I guess.”
“You’re
a sick fuck, Ivan,” Bobbie hissed.
“They
always say that about visionaries.” He shifted his weight in her direction and
she shrank back against the wall. “And that guy, he didn’t have to go that way.
He could’ve taken the opportunity I offered him.”
“He
could choose.” Starsky’s head was swimming and his own voice came to him from
far away. “Is that what you offered Beverley Spender?”
At
that Ivan smiled a sad, sympathetic smile, the kind somebody smiles over a
stranger’s bed in a hospital. “She’ll be better now. Her husband died, you
know, and she kept going. That’s how I knew she would be the one to show them.
The lawyer showed them failure. She’ll show them success.”
“And
what about us?” Bobbie asked.
“Who
loves you?” Ivan sounded like the voice behind a confessional screen in the
movies. “Who do you love enough to set free?”
Bobbie’s
eyes went wide and Starsky could practically see the parade of bereaved in her
head. For the first time since she’d woken up she looked scared.
“She
has a little brother,” Ivan told Starsky. “He calls her all the time. Needs
advice on this, her opinion on that.” His thin smile turned downward, pitying.
“She buys his fucking clothes for him.”
With
a sort of sobbing snarl, Bobbie lurched forward up onto her knees and froze
when Ivan’s other hand came up, Starsky’s gun in it, pointed at her face.
“Don’t
make me ruin the display, Bobbie. You want to be pretty for him, don’t you?”
Pretty.
Suddenly the wine and the blue ribbon made sense. And Jocelyn, sweetly posed,
tidy and clean. Beautiful and dead. It depends what you mean by compassion.
For a brief moment, Starsky wondered what Ivan would do for him, but that line
of thought brought Hutch with it—always the first to look—and Starsky had to
snap his teeth shut hard to keep from saying don’t! out loud.
Instead
he found his most reasonable voice and said, “Ivan, listen.” He braced his
elbow against the crate behind him, pulled his feet in a little more. If he
could get upright enough to throw himself forward, he could probably knock Ivan
over, get his hands on the gun. He cast Bobbie a quick glance. She was still on
her knees, five feet away, her eyes on the muzzle. No way to know how helpful
she’d be, but there was way more anger on her face than fear now. “Maybe Bobbie
doesn’t have to be the lesson. She could learn the lesson, huh?
You could let her go and she could be your success story.” Ivan tilted
his head thoughtfully, like he was seriously considering the option. “C’mon,
Ivan,” Starsky urged softly. “Let her tell ’em.”
After
long seconds Ivan shook his head slowly, rose to his feet, the gun angling down
to point at Bobbie’s chest. “That wouldn’t help little brother, now, would it?”
“Put
the gun down.”
Starsky
was so focused on Ivan, and the voice was so unexpected that he didn’t
recognize it right away as Hutch’s. When he put it together with the shadow on
the wall in the hallway just outside the door, Starsky felt the floor drop out
from under him and he had to squeeze his eyes shut for just a moment to get his
bearings again.
“Just
put it down.” Hutch’s voice was steady, solid ground in the fog. “Just put it
down and we can walk out of here.”
“We
can’t walk out of here, Detective,” Ivan said.
After
slowly rolling over onto his hip, Starsky pulled his hands in under him and
braced his elbows on the floor. Then he pulled up his knees. The crates beside
him were still teetering a little, but so was everything else. He leaned his
shoulder on them until the floor settled a little.
Bobbie’s
eyes shifted toward Hutch’s voice. “Shoot him,” she said tightly.
“Where’s
Starsky?”
“Shoot
him!”
“Shoot
me, Detective.”
“Where’s
Starsky?”
“Here,”
Starsky answered. “Hutch. I’m okay.”
Starsky
was on his knees now. In front of him Ivan lifted a foot and put it down so he
was straddling Emily’s body, getting ready to back away from the voice in the
hallway, but the gun was steady in his hand. The shadow on the wall shifted as
Hutch came forward, and Starsky could see the arm of his black leather jacket,
a blue gleam along the barrel of the Magnum.
“Nobody
else has to die,” Hutch said in the same tone Starsky had used. Starsky wanted
to tell him that it wasn’t gonna work, but he was too busy trying to find his
center of balance so he could launch himself at Ivan’s legs.
“Everybody
has to die.” Ivan laughed, tired and breathy, frustrated, like he’d explained
the obvious over and over and just couldn’t be bothered anymore.
As
Hutch loomed into the room, Ivan raised the gun and brought it around to aim
it, stiff-armed, straight at him. But Ivan’s momentum worked against him, his
shin coming up against Emily’s body and his knee buckling. He tripped and fell
to the side, haloed in the flash from Hutch’s Magnum.
And
then there was a silent spearing of pain that carried Starsky backward into the
crates.
The
world closed in around him, black sizzling inward from the edges until all he
saw was Hutch’s face, his open mouth, eyes wild and impossibly blue in the
seething—
I’m
hit, Hutch—
—dark.
Weightless. Groundless.
Resisting,
Starsky thrashed his way free of the black and into the surging roar that he
distantly knew was his own heart, blood in his ears. I can hear the ocean,
he thought crazily.
He was sprawled—as well as a guy could sprawl
when he was tied up hand and foot—against the crates, and they still hadn’t
toppled like they should have. There was an arc of bright light across the side
of his neck; either it was pain beyond pain, or maybe he wasn’t quite back all
the way yet, because it was just light and almost a sound, a shriek in his
skin, leaking life like noise. He wanted to hold that noise in, but he needed
his hands, his elbows, to get himself sitting up better so he could find Hutch.
Ivan’s hand had come up, stiff-armed, with Starsky’s gun, and the flare was
from Hutch’s Magnum, but then Starsky went under in the black for—how long?
Maybe long enough for a shot he couldn’t hear. So Starsky needed his elbows to
hitch himself up so he could find Hutch, so he didn’t put his hands to his neck
where the roaring of his heart was probably pumping him dry.
When
he found Hutch still standing, the relief felt like cold, like water
flash-freezing, bringing the shakes, so when he did finally lift his hands to
his neck they stuttered across his wet, sticky skin, unsure and stupid.
Hutch
was there between him and Bobbie, his fists wound in the front of Ivan’s white
uniform, Ivan himself shoved up against a stack of crates, lifted by the force
of Hutch’s rage onto his toes. Bobbie was curled up even tighter to get out of
the way as she gaped up at them. Dangling from Hutch’s grip, Ivan was defeated
and tired-looking, but even so he leaned his head forward, up close and
intimate, and Hutch listened while the roaring in Starsky’s head faded and
became just pounding, then the rasping of his own breath, so that at the end
Starsky could hear Ivan’s laugh. And then came the pitying, compassionate,
downward smile.
Hutch
was perfectly still for maybe a second or an hour, eyes on Ivan’s, unblinking,
blank, and then he was all motion, stepping back to shift his weight and throw
it forward again. The first punch must’ve left blood on the packing crate
beside Ivan’s head, because it was slick, black on Hutch’s knuckles as he wound
up again. The slats of the crate buckled under the force of the next one so
that Hutch’s hand came away in a shower of splinters and packing straw. And
Ivan didn’t flinch as the fist drew back again, this time not aiming for the
crate.
And Starsky said: “Hutch.”
Everything
stopped. The crate above their heads wobbled and settled, and they were
breathing all together in the sudden silence.
And
then Hutch let him go, opened his hand and let Ivan slide to the floor at his
feet. Bobbie scrambled away as much as she could and let out a strangled,
teeth-clenched sob when Ivan’s foot touched her own.
A
second later, the room was full of cops like they’d just solidified in the
room, two of them grabbing Ivan under the arms and turning him on his face next
to Emily to cuff him, another straightening with Hutch’s Magnum in one hand,
Starsky’s Beretta in the other, holding them by the barrels. And Hutch was on
his knees with Starsky’s head gripped between his hands.
“Hutch.
I’m hit.”
“I
know.”
“Is
it bad? How bad is it?”
“I
don’t know. Let me see.” Hutch pried at Starsky fingers but they were stiff and
unbending and reluctant to let go because his own damn heart was pumping him
dry.
“Tell
me straight, Hutch.’”
“I
can’t tell if you won’t let go, so just let go, dammit.” And with a yank Hutch
got his hands away and leaned in close to look. After a long moment he sat back
with his hand over his eyes. He was shaking. Shuddering.
“Aw,
man. Aw, man, Hutch. ’Sokay. It’ll be fine.” Starsky’s hands were numb from the
wire around his wrists, so he couldn’t really feel the sleeve of Hutch’s jacket
when his fingers slid across the leather down to Hutch’s hand lying limp on
Starsky’s leg.
Hutch
wiped his brow on his sleeve and met Starsky’s eyes. His own were blurred,
bloodshot, and there was a weird smile on his face, like he didn’t know whether
to laugh or cry. “It’s orange juice,” he said.
“What?”
Starsky looked at him like he’d suddenly started speaking Japanese.
Hutch
lifted Starsky’s hands and tilted his head out of the way so that the overhead
light fell on them. “It’s orange juice.”
“I’m
not hit?”
Hutch’s
laugh was as blurry as his eyes. “Oh, you’ve got a crease, for sure, but—” His
hand disappeared in Starsky’s peripheral vision, and Starsky could hear the
creak and snap of slats. Then the hand reappeared with an exploded orange in
it. “—the oranges are dead goners.” Hutch hiccupped out another laugh and
slumped forward until his forehead touched Starsky’s. “Son of a bitch,” he
whispered, his breath hot on Starsky’s face.
“You
can say that again.”
“Son
of a bitch.”
Starsky
laughed, too. Not dying took all the bones out of him, but Hutch held him
together a bit longer, then turned to shout over his shoulder for a medic and
some wire cutters.
CHAPTER FIVE
Oceanside
Market was waking up. Not like anybody could’ve slept through the racket, all
those sirens tearing swaths out of the sky, and the cherries sweeping and
strobing until the whole of the cobblestone square throbbed just out of time
enough with Starsky’s head to make him feel seasick. But nobody slept in the
market. Except for the law and the ambulances, it had been quiet and deserted
until, just as the sky was pinking behind the city, the produce vans and the
refrigerated trucks from the pier started showing up, only to be turned back at
the gates. Still, a bunch of shop owners had got by the barricade and were
standing in their doorways watching or talking in little groups beyond the
crime scene tape, hands in the pockets of their tidy, striped aprons. Some of
them looked curious. One woman was weeping silently. Most of them looked
annoyed and worried. They only had the weekend to make their trade in the
market. Soon the body would be taken away and the shopkeepers would wind down
their awnings and set out their tables and the crowds would file in, and the
seagulls would keep wheeling and shrieking overhead and the whole place would
smooth out again.
Life
just kept flowing by, frothing a little around murder and carrying on. Starsky
looked at his watch, but it was in his pocket; instead his wrist was wrapped in
gauze. “What day is it?”
The
medic looked up from where he was working on Starsky’s ankle, regarding him for
a second quizzically and then nodding his understanding. “Friday.” He shifted a
tray in his case to find some tape and used it to secure the last bandage.
Wrapped up ankle and wrist and neck, Starsky was feeling a little like a mummy.
“’Bout time, huh? Helluva week.”
On
the other side of a skewed black and white Bobbie Wyatt was sitting on a
stretcher like Starsky was, having her wrists bandaged. The medic moved her
easily, lifting her arm, tilting her head back so he could flash a light in her
eye. It was like she wasn’t interested at all in what was going on there, like
she was gone from herself. Her eyes were on Starsky but he was sure she
couldn’t see him.
Behind her the dark alley gaped, walls
changing shape as the lights flashed into it from different angles so the
emerging stretcher with its black bag and its careful attendants looked like
bad stop-motion, the people captured in awkward poses, suddenly closer each
time. Bobbie turned mechanically to watch the stretcher pass, Emily get loaded
into the wagon. When she met Starsky’s eyes again she could definitely see him,
and it felt like someone had stiff-fingered him in the throat.
He
swallowed and sucked in a breath, feeling it burn all the way inside. “Glad to
see the back o’ this one.”
The
medic laughed his agreement and rose to put his hands on Starsky’s shoulders, a
gentle but insistent pressure as he tried to get him to lie down on the
stretcher. “Just swing your legs up here and we’ll strap you in for the trip.”
Starsky
resisted. Over at the mouth of the alley, Hutch was standing with one hand in
his pocket. The other wouldn’t fit with the bandage wrapped around it. Without
looking Starsky’s way he turned and walked into the alley, each flash taking
him farther off until the light didn’t reach him at all anymore.
Starsky
batted the medic’s hands away and slid off the stretcher, gripping the edge for
a second to get his balance.
“Hey,
hang on,” the medic protested. “You—”
Pushing
past him, Starsky said, “Later.”
“You’ve
got to go in for—”
But
Starsky wiped him out of his peripheral vision with a swipe of his hand and
waded into the light, sidestepping cops and creeping cop cars making their way
through the crowd. The body wagon lurched across his path in the wake of a
black and white, and then under the yellow tape a couple of uniforms held up
over their heads so the wagon could pass.
Bobbie’s
eyes followed Starsky the whole way, constant pressure points on the side of
his head, so at the last second he doubled back to her stretcher. The medics
were laying her down and tightening the straps across her knees and chest.
Around her mouth and her nose the skin was red and flaky, just like Starsky’s
was, another reminder that would take awhile to fade. At least Starsky wouldn’t
be scrubbing black magic marker off his back for days. He wondered if she would
ask what it said, the writing Ivan left on her, if she’d want to know. The
investigator in him would, the rest of him, not really. Too much like giving
the guy the last word.
“They’ll
take good care of you,” he said.
“I
know that. These are my guys, remember?” The pride in her voice was good to
hear, but her face betrayed what she was really thinking. Ivan was one of her
guys, too. She flinched when one of the medics adjusted the straps. As they
started to wheel her the short distance to the ambulance, she lifted a hand and
groped for Starsky. He stepped closer. “Listen—” she began but closed her lips
to a thin line.
“Yeah.”
She
nodded. “Your partner, too, okay?”
“Okay.”
He squeezed her hand, and she squeezed back, letting go reluctantly as the
stretcher carried her away. Just before they started to lift her inside, she
called his name.
“Yeah?”
“Sometimes
your kind of angels come before,” she said. Then the doors closed between them.
Starsky
didn’t wait to see the ambulance go. He just noted that the square got a little
steadier when the ambulance eased away, taking its circling lights with it. A
few more to go and the market would settle into the even paleness of early
morning. The thought of that was like a cool cloth on his eyes.
As he walked deeper into the alley the
darkness got thicker, more palpable, pooling down here between the buildings
even though the sky above them was already a fragile blue. He skirted the
rectangle of light that fell through the open door to Emily’s back room and
wondered if he’d ever be able to smell oranges again without seeing her cloudy
black eye and feeling that soothing hand circling on his back.
“Hutch?”
A
few more paces brought him around the end of a dumpster where he found Hutch braced
with one arm on the brick and the other hand wrapped around the rim of a
garbage can. He stiffened and jerked forward, coughing and spitting. If he’d
eaten a damn thing in the last two days, that wouldn’t be so painful,
Starsky thought. He curled an arm around Hutch’s waist and held him through the
last couple of spasms until Hutch let go of the wall and leaned, first on the
garbage can, and then, when it started to buckle under his weight, back on
Starsky. There was a tremor under his skin, adrenaline sparking and seething.
It would be Starsky’s turn soon enough. He just hoped he could get somewhere
else first. For now he was mostly numb and distant from everything, like more
than his wrists were wound up in gauze.
But he could feel
Hutch’s heart hammering, practically hear it, and that wasn’t distant at all.
Starsky spread his hand out across Hutch’s chest and hung on while a shudder
worked its way through them, from Hutch to Starsky and then out to wherever
that stuff went. After a few seconds, Hutch patted an okay against Starsky’s
hand and stepped away, wiping his mouth on the back of his wrist. When he
turned around, though, his gaze snagged on the bandage on Starsky’s neck and
half a second later he was heaving into the garbage can again.
“Easy,”
Starsky murmured. “Take it easy.”
Head
hanging, Hutch said dully, “I thought I killed you.”
Starsky
started to make a soothing circle on his back, but caught himself and gripped
the back of his neck instead. He gave him a little shake. “Good thing for me
you’re a lousy shot.”
Ivan
Precosky sat in the back of the black and white and didn’t look at them when
they stopped beside the car. He looked small, worn down, and the vague morning
light cast no shadows at all so that his face was strangely featureless behind
the window that reflected the sky and Hutch’s dark shape. He was a nobody.
“Yeah,”
Hutch said. Starsky hadn’t realized he was thinking out loud. Then again, maybe
he hadn’t been; it wasn’t all that unusual to find Hutch thinking inside
Starsky’s head. “C’mon.” Hutch put a hand on his back.
Dobey
had barked and snarled over the radio at them, warning them not to show their
ugly faces in the squad room until they’d either had their heads examined or
eight hours of sleep. So for now Ivan was somebody else’s responsibility. They
stood on the cobblestones and watched the black and white pull out of the
square. Except for the crime lab van, Hutch’s LTD was the only car left behind
the yellow tape, incongruous against the flower buckets and tables stacked with
pyramids of apples, or mounds of ice sliced with the blades of silvery-bodied
fish. One of the LTD’s wheels was up on the curb in front of Emily’s shop, the
driver’s door still open. With their luck the battery would be dead.
But
no, their luck wasn’t so bad, really—Starsky’s hand ghosted to his neck, but he
snatched it away, almost before Hutch could see—and Starsky had high hopes for
the miserable heap when he slid into the driver’s seat and held out his hand.
“Ye-eah,
I don’t think so,” Hutch said, the keys still in his pocket.
Starsky
rested his forehead on his arms on the steering wheel. “C’mon, Hutch—”
“You’re
supposed to be in the hospital under observation.”
“I
told ’em you’d observe me.” After rolling his head so he could aim a puppy dog
look at Hutch, he held out his hand again and snapped his fingers.
“You’ve
been chloroformed. And shot.”
“Which
means I’ve had more sleep than you lately.” The puppy dog face being a
spectacular failure, he went for serious and snapped his fingers again. “Let’s
go.”
Hutch
considered, lips pursed, then nodded. “Okay.” He got into the car, on top of
Starsky on the driver’s side so Starsky had to either get mashed or hustle to
get out of his way. After a lot of shouting from Starsky and pointed silence
from Hutch, Starsky ended up hunched against the passenger door feeling
resentful.
He
slouched down and put his foot up on the seat. Behind his other ankle, the rack
for the shotgun rode against the bandage on his leg, so he put his other foot
up, too, and stretched out a bit, his heel against Hutch’s thigh. As the brick
walls of the market fell away and the sky filled up the view, Starsky leaned
the back of his head on the window and watched Hutch driving, one-handed, the
bandaged one stuck inside his jacket like he was some kind of lanky,
street-battered Napoleon. A muscle was fluttering in his jaw where he was
grinding his teeth. The LTD rumbled over train tracks and the key ring in the
ignition clattered against the steering column. Keys to Hutch’s locker at the
gym, to Starsky’s place, the Torino, but not one for his own front door. Sleep
deprivation and chloroform must’ve been doing weird things to Starsky’s brain
because that fact hooked in his thoughts with a barb on the end of it: Hutch
without a key to his own damn front door, and a key on the doorjamb where
everybody and his uncle could use it.
“You
know, Hutch,” Starsky said as he hunkered down even lower and wrapped his arms
around himself. “You’re one of them conundrums wrapped in a whatchacallit.”
“Enigma?”
“Yeah.
One a’ those.” Starsky closed his hands into fists and tried to concentrate on
breathing through his nose. One Mississippi, two Mississippi.
Casting
him a sidelong glance, Hutch frowned. “So what does that make you?” he said,
his voice lighter than his expression. “A riddle wrapped in salami?”
The
thought of salami made Starsky’s stomach flip over. Three Mississippi, four
Mississippi. Everything suddenly got noisier: a bus roaring past in the
other direction leaving behind a cloud of diesel fumes, a siren far off and
coming closer, someone bellowing out a window, words stretched shapeless by
speed. The ocean growled behind his back, but he couldn’t hear it over the
buzzing in Hutch’s dashboard, the rattle of the shotgun rack where one of the
screws was working loose. Starsky closed his eyes and thought not yet not
yet but the noise felt like shrapnel, needle-sharp and white-hot.
Hutch
wheeled a right turn onto Ocean Boulevard where he got stuck behind a garbage
truck stalled across both lanes. He slapped the steering wheel and swore under
his breath.
On
his side of the car Starsky was busy counting his breaths—two seconds in, two
seconds out—but he could feel the trembling starting under his ribs anyway, and
the more he tried to smooth it out the more his skin got prickly. Not yet,
not yet, not in the car in the street in broad daylight. So he kicked Hutch
in the thigh instead. “Go ahead, say it,” he prodded recklessly. “You know you
want to, so just get it outta your system.”
Hutch
looked at him, at first surprised and then studiously blank, but Starsky could
see him considering whether or not to be baited. Five Mississippi, six
Mississippi. C’mon.
When
Hutch spoke, he started out like he was reciting by rote, not much feeling in
it, but by the time the whole sentence was
out, he was shouting. “Starsky, you sonofabitch—”
“I
know.”
“—what
the hell were you thinking—”
“I
know, I know.”
“—going
into Wyatt’s place without backup?”
“You
were s’posed to be my backup!”
“Well,
I’m sorry!”
“So
am I!”
“Fine!”
“Fine!”
With
a snarl, Hutch pulled around the garbage truck, going up half onto the sidewalk
to do it, and gunned the engine down the empty street.
The
shouting got Starsky’s heart thudding loud and steady, but under that something
more skittish, spidery, persisted. He prodded again. “You know, none o’ this
woulda happened if you would just go home and sleep like a normal human being.”
“Hey!
I wasn’t breaking procedure by going for a walk.”
“No,
you were just breaking a promise!”
“Well,
I’m sorry!”
“Fine!”
“Fine!”
The
LTD lurched to a stop in front of Venice Place and Hutch was out the door
before the car had even settled back on the shocks. Starsky almost fell out
onto the sidewalk when the passenger door opened behind him. But Hutch was
there, bracing him with his leg while Starsky got turned around to clamber out.
And Hutch’s hand was in the small of his back as Starsky staggered up the
stairs in front of him.
He
wasn’t two steps in the door when it hit him. “Ah, fuck,” he said, maybe out
loud, maybe not. His voice made an echoing sound like it was ricocheting
between his ears. “Here it comes.” He didn’t even try to brace himself against
it as the shakes swept through him like an avalanche, complete with deafening
rumbling and cold. “I hate this part.”
“Tell
me about it.”
Hutch’s
voice right in his ear made him jump, and when he turned around to look at him
the room spun in the opposite direction so that Hutch had to catch him by the
front of his shirt to keep him from falling over backward. He must’ve looked
bad—extra bad—because Hutch’s expression went from regular concern to high
alert concern.
“Jesus,”
he breathed. With firm pressure on Starsky’s chest, he pushed him toward the
couch. “Sit down. I’m calling the hospital.”
“Don’t.”
Starsky stuffed his fists into his armpits and started to double over. His
teeth were chattering so hard he expected to see them bouncing out onto the
carpet.
“This
is more than—I can’t believe I let you convince me—fuck.” Hutch was dialing.
“Hutch,
don’t.”
“You
can get fucking liver damage from chloroform poisoning, Starsky.”
“It
ain’t my damn liver.”
Hutch
was saying, “Hello?” into the phone. And they were gonna send an ambulance and
take Starsky to the ER with the green walls and the tile floor where a guy was
sitting on a bench with two coffees on the table and gentle people with gentle—
“I
don’t want their hands on me!”
Hutch
froze and stared at him. Stumbling backward, Starsky tried to find the couch
and hit the coffee table instead. He sat down on it hard, knocking candles
over, and slid off it onto the floor. He pulled his knees up and braced his
elbows on them, the heels of his hands pressed into his eyes. If he pressed
hard enough, he could see geometric shapes, drifting squares in blue and gold,
but inside his head there was still Ivan licking his thumb and rubbing out a
mistake on Emily’s skin, drying it with his sleeve.
He
dropped his hands and tipped his head back to stare at the beams in the
ceiling. Hutch was beside him, bandaged hand on his arm. Starsky didn’t look at
him. “The first time I woke up he was—” When his eyes closed heavily, he could
feel it, gentle circles on his back. He heaved his eyes open again. “I thought
it was—but it wasn’t you.”
Hutch’s
whisper was barely there, just a breath against the side of Starsky’s face. “It
wasn’t—” He didn’t have to see to know what Hutch’s face was doing, the stunned
look crumbling away and the guilt underneath, his eyes closing tight like
someone had shivved him. Hutch’s hand closed around Starsky’s bicep, painful,
not gentle at all, and his forehead touched Starsky’s shoulder. “I should have
been there. I’m so fucking, fucking sorry.” But then his voice hardened a
little. “And you shouldn’t have gone in there alone.”
“It
didn’t seem like there was a lot of choice at the time.” Hutch was silent,
neither agreeing nor disagreeing, which Starsky was grateful for. Starsky
listened to him breathing, realizing after a little while that his own
breathing was falling into step, slowing. “You were there when it counted.” He
managed to lift his hand and drop it on top of Hutch’s.
“Too
late. Always too fucking late.”
“Bobbie
Wyatt doesn’t think so.” He massaged Hutch’s fingers. After awhile he said,
“You’re cutting off my circulation.” Hutch snorted out a laugh and eased up on
his arm enough that Starsky was able to tip sideways away from him and flop
onto his back. “She said we were angels.” For some reason, now that he was away
from market and the sun was shining, that struck him as funny. The visuals
probably had something to do with it. Hutch maybe could pull it off, but
Starsky could only picture himself as a hairy Cupid. He started to giggle.
“And
hysteria sets in,” Hutch observed, his voice strained as he struggled to his
feet. “C’mon. You can have the bed.” He started to pull on Starsky’s arms, but
Starsky wiggled his hands free and his arms fell bonelessly onto the floor.
“I
move now I’m gonna puke all over this beautiful rug of yours.”
There
was a long pause, which Starsky assumed meant Hutch was looking down at him,
probably with his hands on his hips. Then there was the sound of running water,
footsteps coming back again, the coffee table being shoved aside, another
candle falling and rolling. A cool cloth dropped across his eyes, and with more
grunting and groaning than was probably necessary, Hutch sat down on the floor
with his back against the couch and lifted Starsky’s head onto his leg. Starsky
hitched himself up a bit to get more comfortable.
“Geez,
Hutch, you always been this bony?”
Hutch
flicked him on the forehead. “Geez, Starsk, you always been such a pain in the
ass?”
“You
sound hot when you say ‘ass.’ Say ‘ass’ again.”
“Starsk?”
“Yeah,
Hutch?”
“When
exactly do you plan to graduate from the fourth grade?”
“And
leave you behind? Never.”
Hutch
went taut as a wire.
Starsky
clawed the cloth off his eyes and looked up at him. Even though the light was
dappled and orange as it filtered through the bamboo slats of the blinds, Hutch
was gray. Starsky started to sit up, but the whole puking thing wasn’t out of
the question, so he eased himself back down again. Under his head Hutch’s leg
was vibrating, but he was working at getting his face to smile, which frankly
was not pretty to look at.
“Don’t
look at me like that. Close your eyes. Go to sleep.” Hutch said it gruffly,
making a mother hen joke of it as he took the cloth out of Starsky’s hand and
tried to put it back over his face. But his expression hardened to dangerous
when Starsky blocked him with his arm.
“Starsk—”
“What
did he say to you?”
Hutch
raised his eyes. “Nothing.”
“I
saw your face. Before you used that crate for a punching bag. No way that was
nothing.” To put a point on it, he picked up Hutch’s hand and ran his thumb
over the bandage. It was spotted with red across the knuckles already. “This
ain’t nothing.”
Hutch
pulled away and turned his hand palm up so he could pick at the tape. Starsky
watched Hutch worry the bandage, looked at the red splotches on the gauze, and
the pieces started falling heavily enough to make a percussion inside Starsky’s
head, one after another like they were blocks attached with string, each one a
backward step in time: the sweet, impossible sharpness of oranges and Hutch’s
hands on either side of Starsky’s head; the splinters from the broken slats of
the crate, a sudden smell of spices fanning out over the slipperiness of decay,
and Hutch’s knuckles gleaming, slick with blood; Hutch’s fury torqued to the
point of breaking, wound so tight there was no motion in him at all; Ivan’s
mouth close to Hutch’s ear; Ivan’s toes
in his white shoes barely touching the ground; Hutch’s hands wrapped up in the
lapels of the white jacket. Both of Hutch’s hands. And then, looping back to the
nearest in memory like it was the moral of the story, the uniform straightening
from where he was crouched, standing up with a gun in each hand, Starsky’s
Beretta, Hutch’s Magnum.
“God,”
Starsky said, and Hutch’s eyes closed. “Hutch.” A flinch. “You laid down your
weapon.”
“He
got between us. I didn’t know if you—” Hutch began. He searched the room for an
explanation, and when he found it, his voice was a dismal whisper, wind in dry
grass. “It was a long time. Twenty seconds? Ten?” Starsky waited. It was like
standing in a doorway looking out into darkness. Hutch sucked in a breath and
ran his hand across his mouth a couple of times. “I don’t think I put it down.
I don’t . . . I don’t know. It wasn’t in my hand.” He looked down at his hands
as if he expected the gun to be there instead of in its holster next to
Starsky’s head. Starsky’s was in an evidence bag in lockup, and the empty
holster pinched his shoulder. “I called your name and you didn’t answer.”
Hutch’s voice was papery, ready to fall to ash. “He said I had to choose.”
“Choose.”
Starsky was very still, hardly breathing, and Hutch was a tense curve under his
head.
With
stiff fingers Hutch rubbed a spot on his own chest, small circles. “I shot you
and you didn’t answer and he had your Beretta. He was between me and you and he
said I had to choose. Stand alone or fall.” Frowning, he yanked on his shirt,
popping the top snap and pulling the fabric aside. On his chest, off-center,
just above his heart, there was a round, purple bruise about the size of a
quarter. “Huh,” he said, bemused. “I guess I got a little close.”
It
was like hitting black ice, the way it came to Starsky with the slow-motion
inevitability of a spectacular wipeout in the middle of the night, a
frictionless swerve off the road, out of the lamplight, wheels spinning in dead
air: Hutch stepping into Ivan’s—Starsky’s—gun. A dare. Starsky’s throat worked,
but just like in a bad dream, he had no voice.
When
Hutch looked down at him, it was like that saying, the one about the abyss
looking back, a thousand miles of emptiness. “It was a little crazy, when he
wouldn’t let me get to you, and I didn’t know—” The grin that twisted up the
side of his mouth was embarrassed, self-deprecating. “Twenty seconds is a long
time to be that kind of alone, Starsk, even in your imagination.”
Starsky
stared at him long enough for Hutch’s eyes to get blurry again, long enough for
Hutch to realize it and to get fidgety about being watched and to use the
bloodied knuckles to wipe them dry, and then Starsky’s lungs finally unlocked
and air rushed in. He got his elbow up on the corner of the coffee table and
levered himself onto his knees so that he could meet Hutch’s gaze, upright and
level. And that last part wasn’t easy because it was like looking down a well,
the kind of deep-down distance that wants to pull you in. He anchored himself
with a hand on the side of Hutch’s neck, Hutch’s heart thudding there in his
palm. “Okay, you listen to me.” His other hand found its way to his chest and
covered the bruise Hutch got from falling. “We know—you an’ me—we know the
world doesn’t end.”
Hutch’s
voice was flat. “For a second, I thought . . . maybe it does. Maybe it should.”
“No.
It ain’t like that.” The room was swaying a little bit, and Starsky let it
carry him closer, into Hutch’s space, so that he had to lean heavily on the
bruise, so that Hutch winced a little. “You took his gun away.”
“Yeah,
I did.” Hutch’s pulse was a stutter under Starsky’s hands, but his voice was
even, like the two weren’t even connected. His eyes were dry again and he was gone,
way down there in the distance. “But for a second I thought that maybe I didn’t
want to.” Starsky’s fingers tightened on the side of Hutch’s neck and he hung
on until they were aching, until, suddenly, all at once, Hutch came back,
stopped looking through Starsky and focused on his face and then, because
everything was all ass-backwards and freefalling, he grinned, small at first
and then getting bigger until he had to duck his head with that breathy laugh
he usually used when he was resigned to whatever absurdity Starsky was up to.
“Just for a second.” When he raised his eyes again he lifted his hand and
rubbed his thumb between Starsky’s brows, smoothing out the frown. “He made a
mistake.”
“What
mistake?”
“Crazy
things can happen in a guy’s head in twenty seconds when the worst thing he can
think of happens. And he had me. But he screwed up.” Starsky waited while
Hutch’s hand moved to his face, his thumb stroking once across his cheek before
he let the hand fall. “He said you made me weak.” Hutch laughed again. The
laugh said that Starsky should be sharing an inside joke, the kind they told in
glances and half sentences when other people were around.
"And
that's when you—" Starsky mimed punching the crates.
"Nope.
That's when I took the gun away. And I had him. I had him there." This
time Hutch held up his fists and Starsky could see Ivan in his grip, Ivan's
sleeve stained with black marker, his hair falling over one pale eye, his mouth
close to Hutch's ear. "And the sonofabitch said I should be grateful."
Hutch winced at the pull of tape on his skin, opened his fists and dropped his
hands. “That made me mad.”
Like
bones being set, things fell back into place.
“I
could see you were a little miffed.”
“A
little.” Hutch made a silent ow and pried Starsky’s hand off his chest,
but he didn’t let it go. “You make me hurt like nobody else sometimes. But you never
make me weak.”
Starsky
nodded. He could feel the tension sizzling away, getting thinner and thinner
until it was just part of the hum of traffic two blocks away on the strip, and
the hiss of the ocean in the other direction. As he let out the breath he was
holding, he slumped under the weight of his own bones and closed his eyes. “The
world doesn’t come to an end. We know that, you an’ me.”
Hutch’s
hand closed firmly around his for a second. “I take it on faith.” The grip got
suddenly tighter so that Starsky opened his eyes. Hutch’s face was stern.
“Don’t ever prove it.”
Starsky
grinned and patted Hutch’s head before falling against the couch and slouching
low so his neck was against the seat cushions. “Far be it from me to fuck with
a guy’s religion.”
They
sat there side by side on the uncomfortable floor while the apartment got
warmer and the slatted lines of light through the blinds retreated across the
planks toward the kitchen and the city grumbled and the smell of pastry drifted
up from the bistro downstairs. Starsky’s thumb moved back and forth across the
bandage on Hutch’s hand. “Hutch?”
“Mm.”
“How
come you always go first?”
A
breath that didn’t become a full-fledged laugh was followed by the sharp jab of
Hutch’s bony elbow in Starsky’s ribs. “You’re like gum on a shoe, you know
that?”
Starsky
got his hand between his tender side and Hutch’s elbow. “When I was a kid, I
used to make my mom check the closet in my bedroom. I figured if she came out
okay, it was safe.”
“You
think I’m checking for monsters?”
Starsky
shrugged. “You tell me.”
Hutch
was silent for so long, Starsky thought he’d fallen asleep. Then: “I dunno how
to break it to you, Starsk, but there really are monsters.”
Starsky shrugged again and listed a little until he was propped up against Hutch’s shoulder. “’Sokay,” he said through a yawn. “I got your back.”